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【中英双语】有关同性恋:中国男人的婚姻观

更新:2016-04-26 12:25:12  |  来源:转载  |  阅读:53
标签:婚姻观双语中国

My boyfriend and I are in our late 20s. He's Chinese (from the Mainland) and I'm American (and if it matters, I'm Samoan but my gramps was from Hong Kong). He's been working here in the US for a couple of years. He had originally intended on returning to China, but now intends on staying in the US. We have a very good relationship, and have been living together for 6 months already.

我男朋友和我都快30岁了。他是中国人(来自大陆),而我是美国人(如果重要的话,我是萨摩亚人但我的祖父来自香港)。他已经在美国工作了几年。最初他打算返回中国,但最近想要留在美国。我们有一段非常好的感情,并且已经住在一起6个月了。

同性恋

I have been thinking about marrying him for a few months now. I have postponed telling pending some important news concerning our respective careers. Fortunately, it's excellent news, making marriage more feasible for us.

我已经考虑嫁给他好几个月了。我已经决定延后告诉一些行将未决的重要消息,这些关于我们各自的事业。幸运的是,这些好消息将使我们离婚姻更近一步。

I'm not exactly sure of his stance on marriage. He wholeheartedly supports same-sex marriage. He sees himself having kids some day. Every once in a while he'll joke that either I am his "wife" or that he is my wife. I am not sure if his joking is an accurate representation of his feelings on marrying me.
Other questions:

我不十分确定他对婚姻的态度,他全力支持同性婚姻。他想象他将来有一天会有小孩。每当他开玩笑说我既是他的"妻子"他也是我的"妻子"时,我不知道这是不是反映出了他对于与我结婚的感受。

其它问题:

What else should I know?

还有没有其他我应该知道的?

omg i wanna marry my chinese boyfriend, what do i do!?

老天,我想和我的中国男朋友结婚,我该怎么做?



国外网民评论翻译:

halfpenguin 24 指標 7 月 前*
I'm gay and have been with my Chinese boyfriend for 4 years. Partially in China, partially in Canada.

我是一个"同志",和我的男朋友在一起四年了,时而在中国,时而在加拿大。

I got a bit of the "wife" thing too pretty early on. In China, same-sex marriage doesn't exist, so it's thrown around a little more loosely in long-term gay relationships. Most chinese/chinese gay couples have very distinct 攻/受 roles which often relate directly to M/F gender roles, not just in sex but in life. Part of the joke is that you're the female, and he might expect you to challenge that ;). Treat it as a joke with some love attached. I don't think it necessarily has any connection with actual marriage in his mind. On the other hand, it shows that in Chinese people's minds (even gay ones), relationships are still seen as requiring a male and female.

较早的时候,我知道了一点"妻子"的事。在中国,不存在同性婚姻,所以各处都是些较松散的长期"同志"关系。大部分的中国"同志"情侣都有各自明确的角色,各自对应于男性或女性,不只是在性方面,在生活中也是如此。游戏中你不仅被视作女性,他还可能期待你去胜任这个角色:)视之为含有爱意的游戏。我不认为在他的观念中,这一定要和实际中的婚姻联系起来。另一方面,这也显示出在中国人(即使是"同志")的观念中,在情侣关系中,始终是需要有男性和女性的角色的。

The bad news is gay marriage is completely unheard of in China. In China, a gay relationship is not seen as a "real" relationship. Traditionally, the value of a relationship/marriage is that it produces children and expands the family. Most gay men end up marrying women (sometimes lesbians) to satsify their family. Then, they have a gay relationship on the side. Sometimes their family even knows about it. As long as it's not spoken of, and the grandchildren are coming, everything is fine. It's good to hear your boyfriend has vowed against this though. :)

坏消息是,在中国完全听不到"同志"婚姻。在中国,"同志"关系不算是真正的关系。习惯上说,关系/婚姻的价值在于生子及扩大家庭。大部分男同找老婆(有时是女同)以取悦家人。然后,他们另外有一个"同志"关系。有时他们的家人甚至知道这些。只要不说,等到孙辈出生,就万事大吉。如果你男朋友发誓不要这样,那还是不错滴!

The good news is you're in the US, and your boyfriend has the chance to live a separate life. However, I expect it will remain separate. He seems to be suportive of same-sex marriage and having kids. Having kids goes with the traditional idea of expanding the family. Ideally, he would love to continue the family through adoption and a same-sex relationship, but in reality he knows his family probably wouldn't accept that. He's conflicted because he probably loves his family and feels obligated to make them happy. He might see this as a decision of selfishness vs selflessness.

好消息是你在美国,而且你的男朋友有机会过一种不同的生活。然而,我期待这种生活能够一直不同。他似乎支持同性婚姻,并且有孩子。养育子女属于繁衍生息的传统观念。理想上,他很愿意用同性婚姻关系来延续其家族,但现实中他知道他的家族很可能不会接受。他很矛盾,因为他可能很爱他的家族而且自觉有义务让他们开心。他可能把这看成是自私或无私的一种表现。

His decision to stay in the US means that he has chosen to live this separate life with you (at least for now). If you ask him to marry you, maybe he will, but your relationship will probably never be taken seriously in China. If you visit his family in China, you'll most likely be a "friend".
Depending on how open minded and westernized your boyfriend and his family are, this may vary, but in general I feel like this is how it is. Feel free to fill me in on more info.

留在美国的决定意味着他已经选择和你过一种不同的生活(至少目前如此)。如果你要他和你结婚,或许他会同意。但在中国,你们的关系可能永远不被他人正式接受。如果你去他中国的家里,最可能的情况是你被他的家人当作他的一个朋友来接待。情况是否改变,取决于如何令你的朋友和他的家人更开明和西化,但是正常来说,我觉得这很难。有事请随时告诉我。



zanmenjiehunba123[S] 9 指標 7 月 前 
(回楼上)
Thank you for a very insightful response.
He was stressing out about providing with his parents with a grandchild. I told him about options such as adoption and getting an egg donor. He seemed to like those ideas,
then later on read a magazine about gay parenting.

非常感谢你有独到见解的回复。
他承受着非常大的来自父母想要孙子的压力。我告诉他可以选择领养和获得卵子捐赠。他似乎有点想法,然后在看有关同性恋父母的文章。



thingsdontrunwe 2 指標 7 月 前 
The pressure he is facing is immense. No wonder 90% of gay Chinese men marry women to please their parents. I would really sit down with him and talk about this seriously.
I've heard of many Chinese-foreigner gay relationships ending because in the end the Chinese guy chose his family over the foreign boyfriend. I don't mean to be pessimistic, but if it comes down to a choice like that, he might dump you to please his family. Family comes first.
During your talk with him, you might want to discuss different scenarios and how he would handle it. What if after you get married, his parents disown him? How would he handle that situation?

他承受的压力相当大。一点都不奇怪,90%的同性恋父亲和女性结婚是为了取悦他们的父母。我会坐下来和他们谈论这件事的严重性。
我听说许多中国跨国同性恋关系最终都因为中国同性恋选择了家庭而结束。我本不想如此悲观,但可能的结果是他为了取悦那个家庭而抛弃你。家庭是第一位的。
在你和他的谈话中,你可能会想要讨论不同的情景,看他如何处置。如果在你结婚后,他的父母和他断绝关系怎么办?他会如何处理呢?



shuishou 1 指標 7 月 前 
This is pretty spot on. Regarding the first part, my boyfriend calls me 老婆, just because I am 小受, so he expects me to take on that role that wives usually do. Gay relationships aren't like in the US where there is less gender binary.

这正好戳中痛点。首先,我的男朋友叫我老婆,只是因为我是小受,所以他们期待我做所有妻子应该做的事。同性恋关系并不太像美国那个没有性取向的差别。



noott 4 指標 7 月 前 
(回楼上)
You're okay with that?

你觉得那样好吗?



redvelvetx 1 指標 7 月 前 
(回楼上)
Lol. Some boys like the housewife role, let's be real. Otherwise, idk why shuishou would continue to allow him to call him that.

呃。有些男孩喜欢妻子的角色,也许是真的吧。否则,我不知道为什么水手会让他这么叫它。



polarbackup 13 指標 7 月 前 
Sounds like he's got to come out to his family, before marriages is on the table.

听起来,他必须得在结婚这件事提上议程之前,先把向家人公开自己出柜的事情解决了。



zanmenjiehunba123[S] 3 指標 7 月 前 
(回楼上)
I agree. One of the stipulations that I have been thinking about is that I'll only marry him with the understanding that he'll come out in a reasonable amount of time. He does plan on coming out to his parents, so I don't think it's a huge worry at this point.

我同意,我考虑与他结婚的前提之一就是他会在一定的时间之内公开他出柜的事。而且,他已经做了一个向父母表明自己出柜的计划,所以我不认为在这个时候这算是一个大问题。



lzhn 7 指標 7 月 前 
Some Chinese couples seem like they have been together forever before marrying, but many, many others seem to go from first date to marriage in the span of a year.

一些中国情侣似乎在结婚之前要在一起共度很长时间,但是许许多多其他的情侣似乎从初次约会到结婚一共就过了一年时间。



Kooglemoore 13 指標 7 月 前 
I think with any relationship the worst thing to do is place expectations on your partner based on what you know of their culture. Cultural generalizations are useful for navigating foreign societies but not much help in interpersonal relationships.
Basically, this is a conversation to have with your boyfriend. In fact, even if you were a straight/non-mixed couple a frank discussion about marriage expectations is something serious couples ought to do.

我觉得在任何关系的交往中,最糟糕的莫过于基于对方的文化背景而给对方设置特定的角色期待。文化概念在引导国际社会交往方面十分有用,但是对于人际交往来说就不是那么适用了。
基本上,这是一场你和男友之间的商讨。事实上,即使你们是异性恋夫妻或是同族夫妻,一场关于婚姻的坦诚交谈都是成熟的婚姻缔结双方应该去做的事。



[deleted] 3 指標 7 月 前 
I read this the other day:
Some of the comments hard to believe, some just plain laughable.

我前不久看了这个。
有些评论令人难以置信,有些则完全荒唐滑稽。



zanmenjiehunba123[S] 2 指標 7 月 前 
(回楼上)
Explains why my boyfriend dislikes coming out to the Chinese community... Some have already asked him outright and he has told the ones he trusts. I have another friend, a lesbian, who has the same aversion.

这解释了为什么我男友不愿在中国人面前公开出柜...有 些人直接问他,他告诉他信任的那些人。我还有个女性同性恋朋友,她同样不喜欢这种厌恶(同性恋)的态度。



[deleted] 3 指標 7 月 前 
And also why you find social phenomena in China such as 'The Homo Wife'. A woman who marries a gay man often unaware that he is gay. I lived next door to an elderly couple who I am sure fitted this thing. The guy was so camp and so effeminate and dressed - what should I say... - rather flamboyantly.

那也是在中国你可以看到诸如"同性恋妻子"的社会现象。一个女人嫁给了一个同性恋男人还不知道他老公是gay.我确定在我的隔壁住着的一对上了年纪的夫妻就符合这个情况。这个男的是很像同性恋,如此柔弱又穿的-我该怎么说呢-非常夸张艳丽。



kortochgottSweden 1 指標 7 月 前 
To be fair, that article is making those people out to be waaaaay worse than they actually are. It's worth noting that it was not shanghaiist but a third party organization that made the video. Most Chinese are just uninformed and unfamiliar with the topic.

说句公道话,那个东西(视频)把他们记录得比实际情况糟得多。制作这个视频的不是上海人而是一个第三方机构,所以没什么参考价值。大多数中国人只不过是不知道和不熟系这个话题罢了。

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