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【中英双语】手足欺凌:“我希望自己没有被生下来”

更新:2016-12-05 13:22:08  |  来源:转载  |  阅读:13
标签:生下手足双语

A recent BBC News Magazine article asked when scrapping between siblings becomes bullying? Readers responded with stories of being bullied - as well as tales of being the bully.

近日,一项BBC新闻杂志文章问到“当兄弟姊妹间的争吵变为欺凌时?”,读者纷纷以自身被欺负的经历回应——同样还有作为欺凌者的人。

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Deborah, US:My two sons (ages 17 & 16) got into such a fight in the car just this morning, I pulled them into the counsellor's office at school. It was a first for the school - which is a top-ranked high school in the US. Both my boys are well-known and well-liked at school, but privately we have a real problem.

黛博拉,美国:我的两个儿子(17岁和16岁)今早在车上大打出手,我把他们俩拖到了校辅导员办公室。这还是在校第一次——他们的学校可是美国名列前茅的。我的两个儿子在校既出名又受尊敬,但私底下我们真有问题。

My oldest is a bully, my youngest is borderline autistic. It's beyond sibling rivalry - today the oldest was snarling in the youngest's ear like a psycho - "I'm going to kill you. I'm going to destroy your (new French) horn, I'm going to destroy ..." He couldn't get further because I ordered him to shut up or face criminal charges. I've had him sent to jail for three days once for stabbing his brother in the stomach with a pen. His temper is psychotic, he's even slapped me across the face, and his brother has been in terror, shaking all over, that John's going to do something to him.

我大儿子是个恶霸,我的小儿子有边缘性自闭症(注:不理会别人,逃避眼神交流,缺乏社会意识,言语受限或没有语言,表现出刻板的运动。对保持日常习惯和活动的焦虑性和强迫性的坚持,除了图片他自己以外,不允许其他人打破它)。 情况远不止于手足竞争——今天大儿子像个精神病似的朝小儿子的耳朵咆哮——“我要杀了你。我要毁了你的(崭新法国产)喇叭,我要毁了……”他不能再说下去因为我命令要么他闭嘴要么面临刑事指控。有次因为他用铅笔捅他弟弟的胃,我把他送监关了三天。他脾气疯狂暴躁,甚至扇我耳光,并且将他兄弟置于恐惧,浑身发颤,这全因为约翰(哥哥)要对他做坏事。

We have broken doors, walls, and furniture, and just this weekend the oldest smashed some of my favourite art while he was in a fit that I wasn't doing enough to help him apply to college. I've been trying to correct his behaviour all these years, and nothing seems to work - it just gets worse.

我们曾弄坏过门,墙壁,还有家具,就在这周大儿子还怪我没有帮他申请大学而发脾气,打碎了几个我最喜欢的艺术品。这些年来我一直试着纠正他的行为却一无所获——状况甚至更糟了。

“I said some absolutely unforgiveable things to him”Louise, UK

“我对他说了永远不可原谅的话。”露易丝,英国。

Louise, UK: We bullied each other very badly. I had aggressive physical fights with my brother all the way into our mid-teens. He told me I was fat and ugly until after I left home and dropped to six stone, when he seemed to realise the effect of his words and wouldn't shut up about how thin I was. I was scared of him physically and so I made comments to try and dent his confidence. I suppose it was a self-perpetuating circle of his physically punishing me for my comments and me making comments to punish him for physically beating me.

露易丝,英国:我们总是狠狠欺负对方。我和我兄弟充满攻击性的肢体冲突打到了青少年时期(mid-teen貌似是14~16岁的样子)。他说我又肥又丑直到我离家出走瘦到只有6英石(约76斤)重,当他意识到他的话对我有多大影响时,他就不停地说我多瘦多瘦。我对他怀着生理上的恐惧,于是便评头论足打击他的自信。我想,他用拳脚惩罚我说的坏话和我说坏话来惩罚他对我的拳脚攻击就是个永久自新的循环。

For my part, I said some absolutely unforgiveable things to him which even as an adult that I feel incapable of repeating because I still feel so ashamed. My brother and I now have very little contact. He's struggling with life and has struggled with drug problems, relationship and mental health issues. I feel responsible for this and I don't think I'll ever be able to let that guilt go but I don't know how to apologise or make up for the things I said and did.

我则对他说些甚至而作为成人都耻于重复、不可原谅的坏话。我的兄弟和我现在很少联系了。他为生活奔波并苦于吸毒、人际关系和心理健康问题。我觉得我该对此负责,况且我不认为那种愧疚会离我而去。可我却不知道该怎么道歉、怎么弥补我的所作所为。

Kristina, US:As a young child I remember my brother (the middle child) beating me up, but in a playful manner. It was rarely, if ever, malicious. He would pick on me and call me names sometimes, as I was a chubby child. I had "dead arms" from my brother punching me in the same spot repeatedly. It could be deemed abuse by most researchers, but it made me a stronger person and built my character to withstand the real negative comments in school.

克里斯蒂娜,英国:作为一个小孩子,我记得我哥哥(middle child:中间儿,指排行老二或者排在中间的孩子,由于没有老大或最小的孩子那么受关注,因此产生的一些心理问题
)毒打我,却一种玩笑的方式。这种情况很少,一旦发生则恶意满满。当我还是肉乎乎的小孩子,他有时候会找我的茬,叫我名字。因为哥哥老是反复打我一处,我得了“死臂(即肢体麻痹)” 。这算是虐待,但也把我塑造为一个坚强的人,铸成了我敢于反抗校园里那些真正消极的风言风语的性格。

Bullying is never okay. But you make the decision as to whether or not you let it bother you. Of course it stings for the moment, but if you don't react to it people generally stop and life goes on. Today, I am 24. I have a wonderful relationship with my brothers. Parents need to teach their kids to stand up for themselves in situations where it calls for it. They need to use their words and, as a last resort, actions. I always fought back against my brothers, I never let them win.

欺凌从不被认同。不过由你决定这件事是否,或者不会使你苦恼。当然,那瞬间的阴影会刺痛你,但若你毫无反应,人们通常会离开,而生活照旧。如今我24岁了。我和哥哥们的关系相当不错。父母需要教孩子在欺凌的情况发生时捍卫自己。他们需要用言语,并作为最终手段,行动。我总回击哥哥们,绝不退让。

When scrapping becomes bullying

当争吵升级为欺凌。

Almost a third of children in a recent survey said they had been the victim of sibling aggression in the past year

最近一项调查中,几乎三分之一的孩子说他们在过去一年里曾是手足欺凌的受害者。

They reported a range of acts from theft and psychological abuse to physical assault.

他们告发了一系列行为,从偷窃到心理虐待,再到人生攻击。

Some parents believe conflict between siblings toughens them up.

有些父母相信手足间的冲突使人学会坚强。

Research says sibling aggression affects a child's mental health.

调查称手足间的攻击对儿童心理健康产生不良影响。

Caroline, UK: I have hardly seen my sister in 30 years and I prefer it that way - as an adult I do not choose to live a life full of violence, rage, jealousy and bitterness. She is still the same jealous, deceitful, cruel bully as ever, but less violent than when we were growing up. As a young child she attacked me constantly, [she would] sneak up behind me and push me down flights of stairs, down concrete steps, off walls and even a bunk bed. My hearing has always been terrible, I had no idea she was behind me and at three years younger than her, I was a lot smaller and she was a lot stronger. On one occasion she slammed a glass door into me and my hand went through the glass. I had to remove the piece of glass that was sticking out of my wrist and then spent hours in A & E waiting for the deep lacerations to be stitched up.

卡洛琳,英国:30年来我都没和姐姐见面,我宁愿这样——作为一个成人我不会选择过充满暴力、愤怒,嫉妒和痛苦的生活。她仍旧是个嫉妒、不诚实、冷酷的恶霸,但比起我们成长那会没那么暴力了。孩提时代,她就会时不时攻击我,她“会(我想作者可能是想强调)”溜到我背后,把我推下楼梯、水泥台、墙头,甚至床的上铺。我的听力一直不好,无法察觉她在我背后,况且那时我比她小三岁,我弱得多而她强壮得多。有次她把一扇玻璃门拍到我身上,我的一只手打穿了玻璃。我不得不拔掉扎进手腕的玻璃碴,在急诊室待上好几小时,等着缝合深层割裂伤。

She broke, destroyed or sold most of my things and was always up to manipulative, devious, tricks and lies, including ripping up my books to ensure I got another beating from my mother, who she took after. My mother knew what my sister was doing and what was happening to me. However she preferred to drink with her friends and couldn't be bothered to deal with such a disturbed child who was such a nightmare to deal with; it was easier to target me. My childhood was a living hell because of this; I spent most of the time in a state of extreme terror and fear and suffered from chronic depression, anxiety, stress and insomnia, which I still suffer from as an adult.shook from head to foot with fear at the prospect of another beating, or another onslaught and if I wet my pants with terror I got another beating. I was very lucky not to have been killed, or permanently injured by the violent, relentless and persistent attacks; I would now describe their behaviour as psychotic.

姐姐她弄坏、毁掉、或者卖掉属于我的东西,并且她擅长巧妙、狡猾的把戏和谎言,包括撕掉我的书好让妈妈,和她真像,又打我一顿。我妈妈知道姐姐的作为和我身上发生的事,但她更喜欢和朋友们喝酒,不用应付那个噩梦一样的熊孩子而烦扰;而我,更容易成为挨揍的目标。为此我的童年如同活生生的炼狱;我大多数时候都处于一种极度恐惧和忧虑,并经受长久的忧郁、焦虑、压力和失眠,哪怕作为一名成人,我依旧得忍受这些。我时常因为又要挨一顿打的兆头而害怕得浑身发抖,或者又遭姐姐拳脚,还有,如果我吓得尿了裤子,我还得挨一顿狠揍。很幸运,我没被杀掉或者因暴力、狠毒且长久的攻击而受到永久性伤害;如今我会说他们的行为是“神经病”。

“I was also bullied at school but it wasn't as bad as at home”Kathy, UK

“我也在学校被欺负过,但都比不上家里那么糟。”凯西, 英国

Kathy, UK: I was bullied by my older brother throughout my childhood. He was eight years older and put a lot of energy into bullying. He drew scary pictures on the wall near my bed when I was three years old. He used a soldering iron to write a horrible message - "you are a fat pig" - on a school pencil case my Mum made for me. At age 11 I remember wishing that I hadn't been born.

凯西, 英国:我的整个童年都被哥哥欺负。他比我大上八岁,花很多精力欺负人。我三岁时,他在我床边的墙上画吓人的画。他用烙铁写恐怖信息——“你是头肥猪”——在妈妈给我做的铅笔盒上。记得十一岁时我就希望自己从未出生。

I stopped speaking to him at home for two years. My parents did very little to stop it. Christmas was always ruined by it. I was also bullied at school but it wasn't as bad as the bullying at home. I suffered from depression for many years and have experienced workplace bullying and domestic violence. I know it is all connected to my childhood.

两年我都没和他说过话。我的父母没有阻止这一切。圣诞节总是一塌糊涂。在校我也被欺负,可都比不上家里那么糟。多年来我都经受着忧郁并经历了办公室欺凌和家庭暴力。我知道这都和我的童年有关。

Anne, UK: I am the eldest of five. The sister immediately after me (11 months younger) went through a phase of trying to boss all of us. According to my other siblings, she was particularly vicious with me. I can remember the feeling of helplessness because I was not believed and because I did not know how to defend myself. I tried to get my parents to help, but they just called me a drama queen... until my mother overheard my sister tell my brother to hit me with a wooden plank, and as he was very reluctant, she threatened him with breaking some toy.

安妮,英国:我是五个孩子中最大的。紧接着我的妹妹(比我小11个月)过了一阵试图对我们发号施令的日子。根据我的另一个妹妹所说,她对我尤其心怀恶意。我还记得那种无助的感觉,因为我不被信任也不知道怎么维护自己。我试着向父母求助,他们却叫我戏剧女王……直到妈妈无意间听到我妹妹叫我弟弟用木板打我,还在他不情愿时威胁要弄坏某个玩具。

I love my sister, she is extraordinary in many respects, she has worked on aid projects in the Third World etc, and I think it was very positive that my parents put an immediate stop to her bullying and instilled proper moral values into her. But it left traces - our younger siblings were quite traumatised by the malice she exerted against me.

我爱我妹妹,她在许多方面都很卓越,她曾在第三世界做援助项目等,我认为父母当即阻止她的欺凌行为并灌输正当道德价值观的行动相当积极。不过(不好的过去)还是留下了印迹——我们的小兄弟姐妹还是因她发挥到我身上的怨恨而心灵受创。

“It is a natural part of sibling rivalry” Jack, UK

“这是手足竞争与生俱来的一部分。”杰克,英国

Jack, UK: My older brother used to bully me all the time and at times it was actually quite horrific. But then I believe it's a natural part of sibling rivalry and as bad as it made me feel at the time, I know that I can face the worst of other people. We're now 19 and 23 and I would now consider him one of my best friends.

杰克,英国:我的哥哥过去一直欺负我,有时相当可怕。但当我相信这是手足竞争与生俱来的一部分,正和那时候我的感受一样糟糕时,我就知道我能面对其他人最坏的一面。现在我们俩一个19岁一个23岁,我把他当自己最好的朋友之一。

Charlotte, UK: When we were growing up I used to hit my sister (hard) almost daily and whenever I think about it now I feel sick. Many years ago I apologised for my actions and she forgave me unconditionally, but the guilt never really goes away. I do my best to be a good sister and aunty to her son to make up for the past. I was hit by my brother who is eight years older than me on a regular basis, who in turn was hit by my father. I know I am to blame for my actions but I look back and wish an adult had put a stop to it. Don't allow your children to hit each other and punish them severely (without violence) when they do. The scars can last for life.

夏洛特,英国:当我们还没长大时我几乎每天、随时我想起来就打过我妹妹(用力地那种),如今我觉得恶心。虽然多年前我就为我的行为向她道了歉还得到了她无条件的原谅,但愧疚感从未消失。我竭尽全力地做一个好姐姐和她儿子的好姨妈来弥补过去。我经常被比我大八岁的哥哥打,转而他又被爸爸揍了。我知道我该为我的行为受到谴责,但我却回过头,指望来个大人阻止这一切。不要允许你的孩子们相互打斗,在他们犯事儿时不要用严厉地用武力惩罚他们。心灵的创伤会持续一生。

“My brother told me to kill myself on several occasions”Anonymous, 21

“我哥几次教唆我自杀。”匿名,21岁

Anonymous, 21 years of age: My brother is a contributing reason why I suffer from severe depression and self harm. There was nothing worse than coming back home after a day of being bullied at school, and on the way home from school, to then be bullied at home. He used to beat me around a lot while my mother was working and we were together. I was, and still am, scared of him, but to everyone else he is one of the nicest people they have ever met, he is popular and very social. Complete opposite to how he treated me. In turn, I have become very introverted.

匿名,21岁:我哥是我遭受重度忧郁和自残的促进因素。没什么比在学校受了一天的欺负;还在回家的路上受欺负;然后又在家里被欺负更糟的了。他以前常常趁妈妈上班,我俩呆在一起的时候狠狠地打我。我以前,现在也是,害怕他,但在他人眼中,他又成了他们遇到过的了最亲切的人之一,他很受欢迎还擅于交际。同他怎么对我完全相反。而我,则变得异常自闭。

This has happened more recently too. Last year while I was coming out of severe depression he told me to kill myself on several occasions and hit me several times. I called the police about his violent outbursts on a number of occasions (he would also be violent towards my mother), but due to the fact that he was a sibling and not a spouse/partner they could not do anything against him on domestic violence grounds, only assault. He is a sibling in genetics and we occasionally talk, but I do not consider him my brother.

最近(欺凌)也发生得更多了。去年我正从重度忧郁中走出来,他便几次教唆我自杀还打了我几次。我报警告他在多场合下暴力激化(他对妈妈也暴力相向),但由于他是兄弟而非配偶/伴侣的事实,除强奸外,警察们对家庭暴力这块儿束手无策。他是我血缘上的兄弟,我们也偶尔说说话,但我不承认他是我哥。

June, UK: I was the third of five children. Our oldest brother was a bully and a pervert. The awful thing was that my mother favoured him against the other four. I can still remember one evening when big bro was supposed to be "in charge" of us - which meant he tried to beat us all up. Second-oldest brother decided he'd had enough and set about oldest brother with a poker. I was delighted, I regret to say.

琼,英国:我在五个孩子中排行老三。我们的大哥是个恶霸还是个变态。糟糕的是在五个孩子里我老妈还最喜欢他。我依然记得那天晚上我哥哥“当班”照看我们——其实就是毒打我们所有人。结果二哥觉得是可忍孰不可忍,抄起火钳和大哥打起来了。遗憾地说,我真高兴。

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