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【中英双语】将那些所谓的生活目标抛掉吧

更新:2018-01-07 23:01:42  |  来源:转载  |  阅读:1
标签:目标

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生活目标:√结婚、√生子、成为总裁、√挣更多钱、摆脱贫穷、√绚丽多彩、拥有豪宅、 √成为性感女神、青春永驻、√完美……!

On Having It AllThrow Out That List!

扔掉列单

将那些所谓的生活目标抛掉吧

- by Debora Spar 

黛博拉晶石

Why being a woman of impact does not mean being a woman who does it all.

为什么成为一个有影响的女性并不意味着她实现所有这些

Think for a moment of the most successful woman you know. She might be a friend, or a colleague, or someone you’ve idolized from afar. Think big, of someone you truly admire and respect.

Now take this Wonder Woman, the most successful female you know, and run her through a quick perfection counter, the kind of checklist we regularly assign to women we encounter. Is your most successful woman in a perfect relationship with the partner of her dreams? Does she have perfect children, born at carefully arranged intervals and each now ensconced in an Ivy League university? Is she at the top of her career? Is she earning serious money and investing it well? Has this woman saved the world yet, or at least made a significant contribution to ending poverty, fighting hunger, or combating global climate change? Is she fulfilled? Thin? Unwrinkled? Did she get straight A’s in college? And does her home look like Martha Stewart’s, complete with hand-crocheted table runners and organic chard growing in the yard?
I didn’t think so.

回忆一下你所认识的成功女性,她也许是你的一个朋友、一个同事、一个你一直以来崇拜的偶像。好好想想,她们中的哪个是你真心崇拜和尊重的。

然后以这个你所认识的最为成功的女性为例,将她与我们惯常列出的单子做个简单的比对。她是否与梦想中的伴侣保持着完美的关系?这位成功女性是否养育几个堪称极品的孩子,他们是在精心的计划间隔里降临的,且现在都就读于常春藤院校?她是否处于公司的高层?是否认真地挣钱并理财得很好?她是否拯救了世界或至少为世界的贫困、饥饿抗争或应对全球气候变化做出了贡献?她感到自我感到满意吗?是否苗条?年轻没有皱纹?是否在学校时各门成绩都是A?她的家是否像玛莎·斯图尔特家那样,以手工的钩花桌布做装饰,院子里种植着有机甜菜?

我想不是的。

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‘We hold ourselves back in ways both big and small, by lacking self-confidence, by not raising our hands, by pulling back when we should be leaning in.’ --Sheryl Sandberg, Lean In (Pascal Lauener/Reuters, via Corbis)

因缺乏自信、没有举起我们的手来,每次应学些东西我们总是后退,以大小不一的方式退居幕后。

In the genteel days of the early 20th century, young women were expected, really, to follow only one path: to marry as well as they might and bear children shortly thereafter. Or as Lady Mary, the upper-class heroine of the BBC hit Downton Abbey, confides, “Women like me don’t have a life. We choose clothes, and pay calls, and work for charity, and do the season, but really we’re stuck in a waiting room until we marry.” Lower-class women, of course, faced even fewer options in the early 1900s, confined to a social order in which marriage was essentially their only choice.    

在20世纪处早期,上流社会的年轻的女性在大家的期望中,常常只是遵循着一条路径:结婚生子。或者像玛丽女士,BBC里上层社会的女主角,因一部唐顿修道院而走红,却诉苦道“像我这样的女性是没有真正的生活的,我们可以挑选衣服、拍片和参加公益活动,却被困在化妆室里,结婚了也许才能改变这种状况。”低薪阶层的女性,在20世纪的初期更是没有任何的发言权,牢牢地束缚在这条社会的铁索中,婚姻是她们唯一的选择。

I came of age, in the early 1970s, when revolution was in the air and young girls were being urged, for the first time, to be whatever they wanted to be. Yet quietly and pervasively, girls of the 1970s were still hearing the contradictory lures of an earlier age. Be pretty. Be popular. And never let the boys know how smart you are. The women of my generation barged across the gender divide on the shoulders of the feminists who had fought for us. Greedily we grabbed the power that they had bequeathed. But, surrounded still by more ancient expectations and stubbornly ignorant, as many of us were, to feminism’s central cry for collective action and social goals, we promptly forgot much of what they had struggled for, choosing instead to focus on our own careers, our own children, and our own intricate pathways to some sort of success.

我出生于20世纪的70年代,改革的风气已盛行,年轻的女性们第一次有了自主权,能做她们想做的事。然而余风犹存。打扮得漂亮些、有名气些。可是千万不要让男孩子们知道你有多聪明。我们这一代女性能拥有权利是建立在女权主义者的奋争上的。紧抓她们遗赠下的这些权利。但原早的期盼,顽固的无知依旧充斥着耳目,很多女性,迅速地忘了女权主义者呼吁的集体诉求和社会目标,忘了她们在为了什么而战,而是专注于自己的职业、自己的孩子、自己通往成功的复杂途径。

One of the most invidious results of that forgetting is that women today spend an inordinate amount of time attacking one another. Just look at the uproar that has surrounded both Sandberg and Mayer this past year。Women in the workforce quietly whisper that female bosses are the worst; women on the playground indelicately dissect other mothers’ choices to return to work. In my own experience, female students are liable to be particularly tough on female professors, and female professors, especially in mostly male environments, to be particularly critical of their younger female colleagues. Whenever I relate one of these stories to my husband, he sighs and offers the same remark. “This,” he says, “is why you people will never take over.” Slightly sexist, I know. But also probably true.
   
这种遗忘带来的明显后果是今天女性们花过度的时间攻击对方。仅看看去年桑德伯格和迈耶    的纷争就可知道。女同胞们在职场上总是在嘀咕着女老板的恐怖;在运动场所毫无顾忌地剖析着谁家母亲又重返职场的行为。从我自己的经验中感受到,女教授对女学生要求更为严厉,对年轻的女同事更求全责备些,尤其在大部分都是男性的环境中。每次当我把这些故事讲给丈夫听时,他总是叹了口气,发表相同的评论: “这就是你们永远都无法占主导的原因。”轻微的男人至上主义色彩,但说的是实话。

To some extent, this attack-and-compare mode stems from the harsh reality that there are still so few of us in positions of power. As any woman who has ever sat around a mostly male table can attest, the presence of only one or two women around that table leaves them highlighted as “the women.” Their voices are seen as representing “the women’s position.” They are looked upon when issues of diversity arise, or when the softer side of something needs to be addressed. And, most invidious, they are implicitly but constantly compared. Did Ann speak more eloquently than Beatrice? Was Beatrice nasty to Ann? As a result, Ann and Beatrice find themselves jostling, whether they mean to or not, to become the woman at whatever enterprise they serve. And women behind them on the ladder similarly scramble to take their places, subtly aware that there are only two slots. The result is more competition than is warranted; more of a buried sense that women must fight, not just for men’s jobs, but among themselves.

从某种程度上说,这种攻击—攀比模式是由一个很无情的现实衍生出的,那就是极少数女性能占权力的一席之地。任何坐在开会席上而旁边都是男性的女性可以感触到,她们的存在被高调地以“女性的身份”关注着。她们的声音通常被当做是女性的代表。她们因有助于决策的多元化或处理弱势一方的需求而被尊重着。但令人不满的是,她们总是暗中较着劲。安是否比比阿特丽丝更能说会道?比阿特丽丝厌恶安吗?结果安和比阿特丽丝发现她们相互推挤着,不管是否有意,无论他们在那家工作,她们都把自己看做是女性的代表。而职位比她们低的员工则拼命地想取而代之,微妙地觉察到她们是两个插入口。这样导致女性间职业的竞争更为惨烈,更多掩藏着的感情是:女性必须奋战,不是从男性那里争取职位,而是内讧。

Today young women have opportunities that would have confused and confounded Lady Mary. Heirs now to 50 years of feminist advocacy, they can finally run companies like Facebook or media organizations such as Time. They can serve on the U.S. Supreme Court or direct the International Monetary Fund. They can apply to any college or graduate program in the country and, as of this year, even hold combat positions in the U.S. Army. Thanks to the pill and the patch and Roe v. Wade, they can control their sexual and reproductive lives, choosing whether and when to have children, and with whom.

今天年轻的女性们拥有的机会足以使玛丽女士大感疑惑。女权运动50年的坚持拥护,使女性可以开办像“脸谱”这样的大公司或像“时代周刊”这样的媒体机构。可以在美国的高级法院工作或指导国内货币基金.可以申请国内的任何一所大学和研究生项目。这一年她们还在美国的军事战斗中崭露头角。由于避孕药的使用和罗诉韦德案的裁定,使得她们可以协调性与怀孕之间的关系,可以选择适宜的时候和合适的人生儿育女。

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‘To become the absolute best place to work, communication and collaboration will be important, so we need to be working side-by-side. That is why it is critical that we are all present in our offices.’ --Marissa Mayer, in a Yahoo internal memo (Laurent Gillieron/EPA, via Corbis)
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Moreover, even before today’s young women move into the world of marriage and children, they are bombarded by a storm of competing expectations about how to get there. The good news, once again, is that the choices are virtually unlimited: women can marry whomever they want, whenever they want, crossing lines of race and class and even gender. They can have babies without husbands and sex without commitment. The bad news, though, is that it’s not clear that all young women really want to embrace the carefree lifestyle promoted in Girls or Sex and the City. Some of them want boyfriends, now an apparently endangered species. Most want, eventually, to marry. And not all enjoy the hookup culture of casual, often even anonymous, sex. Yet these are the peer pressures that surround them. Just go to pretty much any Internet dating site or campus blog. Women are supposed to be actively sexual, skilled in the range of activities that their partners are watching online. They are supposed to look like models, drink like fish. Women of earlier generations were almost certainly frustrated by the long list of romantic options—affairs, divorces, same-sex partners—that remained forever out of reach. But women today face an upside-down problem: the expectation that in love, as in so many areas, they are somehow expected to have, and do, it all.

现今,年轻的女性在进入婚姻家庭生活之前,她们常被一连串的关于拥有美满婚姻的期待炮轰着。值得高兴的是,她们有很大的选择空间。和谁结婚,在哪结,她们可以自由选择,男女之间的不平等差距在缩小。她们可以选择做单亲母亲,享受性自由。不好的是,并不是所有的年轻女性都喜欢像欲望都市里提倡的那种放纵的生活方式。有些人只想找个男友逍遥,但这只占少数。更多的人是希望能步入婚姻殿堂。也并不是所有的人都喜欢这种太过随意的性文化。但是却被同龄人形成的压力包裹着。走进婚恋网站或校园博客里看看就可知,女性通常被期待成要是性感的,惯于丰饶多姿吸引网上观看她们的伴侣。应该看起来是个模特,饮酒起来是条鱼。早些时期的妇女被一连串浪漫的念头----婚外恋、离婚和同性念,这些永远不敢奢想的概念冲垮。而现今女性们遇到的问题却恰好相反:她们希望有真爱,然后实现它。

Recently one of my very best students came to see me. She is delightful and accomplished already at age 22, juggling classes and internships and three competing offers from high-tech firms. But as she reminisced about her high school and college years, she was struck by a bout of melancholy. “I have never really spent a whole day just sitting and reading on the lawn,” she confessed. “I never spent that night you’re supposed to spend in college, drinking coffee for hours and talking philosophy with my friends. In fact, I’m not sure I really ever got to know my friends that well at all.”

最近,有个我喜爱的学生来找我。她性格开朗刚过22周岁,在上课和实习期间忙碌,获得了三家高科技产业公司的邀请。但是当她回忆起高中和大学的时光时,她陷入了深深的忧郁中。“我从未花一整天的时间在草坪上坐着看书,”她承认道. “我从没有一个晚上呆在学校里,喝着咖啡同友人讨论哲学。事实上,我不清楚自己是否有去真正地了解我的朋友们。”

So what, then, does it mean to be a woman of consequence in the 21st century? And what does it take to become one?

那么又能怎么样呢?21世纪的女性这些真的意味重大吗?它对我们将来成为什么样的人有影响吗??
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To begin, it’s crucial to recognize—and underscore and shout from the rooftops—that being a woman who matters does not mean being a woman who does it all. On the contrary, building a life of consequence demands a certain narrowing of vision, a commitment to excelling in one area, perhaps, but not all. Men do this all the time, and we applaud them for it. We know that these men have lives beyond their jobs; we know they have children and spouses and lawns that occasionally need mowing. But we don’t question their manhood when we evaluate their careers, or pry too deeply into the inner workings of their homes.

首先,应严肃地认识到——我要再三地强调并在屋顶大声地呼喊——成为有所价值的女性并不意味着要实现所有的那些生活目标。相反的,想要走出一个富有影响的人生需要缩小我们的眼界,而专注精通于一个领域。男士们总是这样做的,我们也因为这点而为他们鼓掌着。我们知道这些男人生活并非只是工作,他们还有孩子、妻儿和偶尔需要打理的草坪。但是我们不会因他们的职业或参与家务而怀疑他们的男人气概。

Women need to employ this same kind of focus—this same narrowed lens—when we think about both our lives and those of other women. Rather than expect Marissa Mayer, for example, both to save Yahoo and to advance workplace equity, we might allow her to concentrate on her job and then judge her for that. Rather than condemn Adele for a few extra pounds, we might just revel in her extraordinary music. (Does anyone care what Jay-Z weighs?) And rather than hold ourselves to unrealistically broad expectations, we might try to narrow our vision, identifying our individual strengths, nurturing our particular skills, and not devoting too much time or energy to things that fall further afield. There are millions of women (and men) who live lives of consequence every day. They are teaching vocational classes to at-risk teenagers; starting small businesses in rural areas; bringing hot meals to the neighbor next door. They are not famous, most of them. They are not perfect. They do not do, or have, it all. But they are building lives that matter, honing skills and nurturing talents that touch the lives of others. Which is in the end, perhaps, the best we all can do.

女性同胞们需要用相同的焦距——相同狭小的透镜,思考我们自己和其他女性同胞的生活。不是期待玛丽莎梅耶那样一下子就能去拯救雅虎,促进工作正义之风的提高,而是允许她专注于自己的工作然后再评价她。不要因为阿黛尔的一点赘肉而去责骂她,我们就可能迷醉于她超凡的音乐中。(有人会在意古尔德多重吗?)不要去期盼不现实的愿望,应尽量缩小视野,认清自身的优势,培养我们特有的技能。不要花太多的时间和经历做些遥不可及的事情。很多的女人(和男人)都过得很有意义。他们教那些处在危险期的青少年上职业生涯课;鼓励他们在乡镇里做些小生意,将热的饭菜同邻居分享。他们大多数都不出名,不完美。也没有实现所有的人生目标。但是过着有意义的生活,拥有着一门手艺,发挥他们的聪明才智帮助到他人的生活。而这些,也许是我们每个人都能做的。

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