您现在的位置:首页 > 阅读 > 正文

【中英双语】一个宅男的独白:我就喜欢宅在家里

更新:2018-02-22 19:10:30  |  来源:转载  |  阅读:99
标签:双语中英

I LIKE TO STAY HOME

我喜欢宅在家里

By T. Kid

It's hard to predict the habits that end up defining our personalities. Most of us strive to remain close to the norm, recognizing our few deviant tendencies and working to correct them, or perhaps bury them further into private routine where no one can gawk at them. But life intervenes and unforeseen events or dispositions that were once unfamiliar to us can draw us into patterns of behavior that we wouldn't have otherwise predicted.

很难预测最终影响我们性格的习惯是什么。大多数人努力保持接近大众标准,认识到我们的叛逆倾向并努力改正,或者深深地隐藏在无人能窥伺的私人空间里。但是我们所陌生的生活干预和意外情境会让我们形成意料不到的行为模式。

一个宅男的独白:我就喜欢宅在家里

I’m officially a homebody, and pretty much everyone around me knows it. Every day when I return home from work and enter my room, I put down my bag, take off my coat, close my eyes and feel the deepest euphoria. I am now in my space and have nothing on the docket for the rest of the night. I can strip down to boxers and a T-shirt and lie in bed, watch movies, work on beats, and smoke away the stresses of the day by huffing clouds of smoke. Occasionally, this meditation is thrown off schedule by my obligations, things that most people would consider part of a normal social life: parties, concerts, dinners, meeting for drinks. I try to minimize these as much as possible. They become especially hard to avoid on weekends.

我是标准的宅男体质,认识我的人都知道。每天我下班回到家进了我的房间,我放下包,脱了外套,闭上眼,感到相当愉悦。我现在在我的空间,晚上休息的时候没有工作要做。我可以把衣服脱到只剩下胖次和t恤躺在床上,看电影,跟着节拍,抽烟消除一天的压力。有时,我的这种独处时间会被日常活动挤占,比如一般人所认为的日常社交活动包括:聚会,音乐会,晚餐,喝酒。我试图尽量减少社交活动。它们在周末变得特别难以避免。

Like most people, I have a group of friends that understand me, whom I don’t have to make an effort to hang out with. With these cats, I generally smoke hard and shoot the shit a couple times a week. Outside of this crew, I care very little to make new friends. My whole life I’ve been enthusiastic and friendly when I meet people, and for a long time I meant it, but over the past few years I’ve noted people seeing through my pleasantries and catching a glimpse of my impatience and unease at having to have conversations. As they’ve caught on, I’ve made less of an effort to hide it. That probably makes me come off like kind of a dick, but frankly if that’s what it takes for me to be left alone, I’m all about it.

跟大多数人一样,我有一群懂我的朋友,我可以毫不费力去交往的人。一般我每周和这些损友聚会几次,一起吹水。除了这个圈子,我很少想要结交新朋友。一直以来,当我见到别人时我会表现得非常热情和友善。在过去很长一段时间里,我也真的如此。但之前几年,我发现人们已经看穿我的愉快外表,捕捉到我对话时的不耐烦和不自在。既然他们发现了,我也不再花费力气隐瞒。这可能让我看上去像个混球,但坦白讲,如果这是我独来独往的代价,我可以全部承担。

Before I start sounding like a stereotypical pothead, let me fill you in on why I find myself most comfortable at home. Yes, weed probably has something to do with it, but it’s another substance entirely that has led me to this place. The central point of socialization in New York, as it is in most places of the world, is alcohol. Sporting, coupling, celebration, sympathy, relaxation, and just about every other social institution, save for AA, is accompanied by drinking. In college I was as limitless in my capacity for alcohol as any 21-year-old, but this invincibility disintegrated for me suddenly, in a single act inflicted upon me by a 14-year-old kid. Just after I graduated from college, I was out drinking, positively shitfaced, with a friend in Baltimore when we were jumped by a gang of boys trying to steal our cell phones. One of them stabbed me in the throat with a broken glass bottle.
在我看上去像个普通的瘾君子之前,让我先告诉你为什么我觉得呆在家里最舒服。是的,大麻可能有点关系,但完全是另一种物质将我引导到这一步。在纽约处于社交中心位置的,同时也在世界上大多数地方,是酒精。体育、求偶、庆祝、同情、放松,以及其他几乎所有的社交情形中,都伴随着酒精,除了戒酒会。在大学时,和其他21岁的人一样,我好像有着无比的酒量,但这份无敌的自信突然间崩溃了,在和一个14岁小孩冲突以后。在我毕业以后,我和一个朋友在巴尔的摩喝得烂醉如泥,不巧遇到一个小黑帮试图偷我们的手机。其中一个小男孩在我喉咙上划了一刀,用一个碎瓶子。

The edge missed my Carotid artery by an eighth of an inch and instead severed the nerve that controls the area between my right shoulder and elbow, immediately leaving the area paralyzed. Though there are plenty more fascinating details of that ordeal, in the context of this story it serves to establish the next year of my life trying to recover. I lived with constant, excruciating nerve pain for many months, and no drugs, not even the ones designed specifically for nerve pain, did the trick. My doctor, knowing how fucked I was, pretty much gave me an open prescription to anything I wanted—if not to address to pain, to distract me from it. He first prescribed me Oxycontin, and I had the wits to ask for something weaker and less addictive. Instead, I was given hordes of generic Percocet. Alongside these awful little things, I self-medicated with weed, nearly doubling the amount I was smoking in college. For those months, I scarcely left the house, and like a geriatric or a prisoner, every excursion out became an adventure, as exciting and horrifying as retrieving buried treasure from a mystical ancient ruin. Looking back, it’s hard to imagine a trip to the barber gave me so much adrenalin. I was scared of everything: packs of kids, people on bikes, anyone walking behind me. The only solace I had was that I would eventually return home to my room, where I could be alone and in silence.

刀尖离我的颈动脉边缘只有八分之一英寸,却割断了控制我的右肩和肘部之间的区域的神经,这一区域立刻就瘫痪了.虽然这次磨难还有更多吸引人的细节,但本故事里它意味着我在下一年的生活就是尝试恢复健康. 我伴随着经常性的折磨人的神经疼痛生活了很多个月,没有药起到作用(止疼),连那些专门设计用来治疗神经疼的药也没用. 我的医生知道我多惨,几乎给了我一张空头处方,任何我想要的药都行,这些药也许不能减轻疼痛,但也能转移一下我的注意力.他先给我开了奥施康定(一种止痛药,常用作海洛因的替代品.译者注),还好我尚有理智,要求换一些不那么上瘾的药.于是给了我一堆普通的扑热息痛. 除了这些可怕的小药片,我还用大麻(weed本意是杂草,在美国泛指大麻)自我治疗,几乎是我在上大学时候吸的两倍。在那些月份里,我很少出屋,像个老头或者囚犯,每次出行都变成了冒险,就像从一个神秘的古代废墟取回宝藏一样,令人激动有让人觉得可怕。回想起来,很难想象一趟理发给了我这么多的肾上腺素(这么大的刺激)。我对一切都感到害怕:成群的孩子,自行车上的人,任何走在我身后的人。唯一安慰我的是,我最终会回到家里我的房间,在那里我可以独自而静默。

Alcohol never, ever felt the same to me again. Though in subsequent years I had several nights of drunken debauchery, I’d always have to force myself to ignore the horrible nausea, dehydration, headaches, and restless sleep that consistently result from alcohol. I still will never say that I don’t drink or that I have quit drinking, because it’s too dire of a statement to make and I still occasionally hold and daintily sip a token beer, but I will say plainly that I hate alcohol. I can understand why people like it, but to me it’s a corrosive poison that will forever be associated with disorientation, vulnerability, and imminent death.

酒精对于我而言再也不同了。尽管在接下来的几年里我有多个夜晚都纵情于酒水中,但我总是不得不逼迫自己去无视那些始终由酒精带来的令人讨厌的噁心,脱水,头疼以及失眠的症状。我仍旧不会说我不酗酒或者我已经戒酒了,因为这是一个太绝对的声明更何况我现在仍偶尔会喝喝酒并且象征性地小酌几番,但我可以坦率地说我讨厌酒精。我能理解为什么人们喜欢它,但是对于我,它是一个将永远与迷惘,脆弱以及濒临的死亡捆绑在一起的具有腐蚀性的毒药。

After about a year, my shoulder made a surprising and unprecedented recovery, giving me nearly the full range of motion I had before the injury. I got a job and eventually moved out of my mom’s house. My prescriptions ran out, and I didn’t ask for refills. Kept smoking the same amount though, perhaps even a bit more in the absence of the pills. I resumed my social life but began to see every engagement as a chore. The comfort that I had felt as an agoraphobe never left my temperament, and I would watch the clock any time I was out, waiting for the right moment to make an exit. Another deterrent for me was that as my drinking diminished to nothing, my friends grew into real Philadelphia men, for whom drinking was a consistent habit. Overworked, embittered, and slowly being crushed by the responsibilities of the real world, their beer bellies grew, and to this day those paunches remain monuments to their owners’ desperation for escape. 

在差不多一年之后,我的肩膀有了令人惊喜的,前所未有的恢复,使我几乎能做出所有在受伤前能做的动作。我找到了一个工作并且最终搬出了我妈的屋子。我的处方药都用完了,我也没有要求重新再开。尽管不再吃药了但我仍然吸着跟之前一样多的烟,甚至可能还要再多一些。我恢复了我的社交生活但是开始觉得每一次约会都是累人的杂事。这种安逸让我感到它就像是一直潜在我性格中的一种广场焦虑症[指在陌生的环境中(过于空旷的或人群拥挤的情况下)因不知如何应对而产生的焦躁情绪],我会在出门前一直盯着手表看,等到恰当的时间了才离开。当我渐渐戒掉喝酒时,我的朋友都成了那些真正的费城男人, 喝酒是他们一直有的习惯,这成了我生活中的另一个麻烦。他们工作过度,怀着怨恨的情绪,又渐渐地被来自现实世界的责任压垮,啤酒肚也变大了,直到今日那些便便大肚仍然象征着它们主人为了逃离现实而留下的绝望悲伤。

My own habits hardened alongside theirs, and when the day came for me to move to New York, I plunged into the change knowing that it would be good for my working life, and recognizing that a lot of it would bother the shit out of me. Here, it’s hard to be a young person who’s a homebody. People think it’s weird when someone in their late 20s doesn’t go out. According to every movie, TV show, and commercial, going out and getting fucked up is what I should naturally strive to do. Instead, I get invited to go to things, and I always make up an excuse involving work or some prior engagement. To this day, I haven’t told a single person the honest truth: “That sounds nice, but I was really looking forward to getting the hell away from you and all other people in the world tonight so I can sit on my ass and get stoned out of my mind alone, so I’m going to do that. I’ll be in my room smoking tons and tons of trees, reading comic books, and eating candy.”

他们变得越来越放荡,而我变得越来越宅,就在我要搬到纽约的那天,我意识到搬到纽约将对我的工作生活有好处,并且意识到如果再和这些朋友呆在一起我会疯掉的。在这里,作为一名年轻人,你想当一名宅男,还真不是一件容易的事情。人们会觉得很奇怪,20多岁的人尽然不出去玩。不论是在电影中,还是在电视节目,还是在广告中,都天经地义的认为年轻人出去瞎混才是应该做的事情。相反,当我受到别人的邀请出去玩时,我总是找借口说已经有约了或者有事情要办。直到今日,我都还没有把真相向别人述说:“听起来不错,但是今天晚上我真想离你和其他人远远的,这样我就可以在家里好好的把自己灌醉,这就是我晚上要做的。我将呆在自己房间里不断的抽烟,看漫画书以及吃糖果。”

When I first moved here, there was a slight, natural guilt I sometimes felt for ignoring all the shit that most people consider to be fun and staying home instead. When I’m holed up in my room on weekend nights, I can hear the wasted knuckleheads through our paper-thin walls, bounding around the hallways and screaming, guys and girls without the wherewithal to walk a straight line or speak using inside voices. It’s hard for me to imagine wanting that now, and as I get more set in my ways it seems less and less likely that I’ll ever enjoy that lifestyle again.  

刚搬到这里时,大多数人觉得好玩的事情,我都觉得无趣,宁愿呆在家里,所以刚搬到这里时我有轻微的罪恶感。周末晚上当我呆在家里时,我总能听到男男女女们喝醉酒,隔着薄薄的墙壁吵吵闹闹。对于现在的我来说,很难想象我会愿意过上那样的生活。随着我越来越宅,很难想象我会再次喜欢上那种放荡的生活。

GEC.社群