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【中英双语】国外网民热议:中国人如何对待爱情友谊婚姻?

更新:2018-10-15 23:04:47  |  来源:转载  |  阅读:1
标签:友谊中国看法

1.       I would like to get some feedback on Chinese mens' view of Love, relationship role in marriage. I understand this might sound like I'm generalizing... I am just trying to gain a general feel for the consensus on these topics these days from Chinese women and men and anyone who has had experience with Chinese in these areas. Thanks! (oh, it is for my own knowledge--I'm married to a Chinese man who's in China but I'll get into that later)! I'm trying to gage my expectations realistically against what I feel is right :)

我想知道一些关于中国男人对于爱情、婚姻关系看法,我明白这听起来比较笼统。。。这些天我只是想尽力获得这方面的一些共同感受,不管你是中国男生或者女生,或者是其他一些有中国经验的人。在此感谢了!!!(我是为了得到一些认知,我嫁给了一个中国男生,他生活在中国,而我也将要去中国。)我想对比我真实感受的均衡一个合理的预期。笑脸。

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I am really looking for Chinese mens' views from China -- (rather than Americanized views)...

我真的是在寻求从中国来的中国男生的看法——而不是美国人的看法。

Do men in China feel it's desirable to be friends (like a best friend) with the wife? 

是像中国男生描绘的那样与老婆是最好的朋友一样吗?

Or do they feel this should be rather separate?

又或者像他们感受的同床异梦吗?

Do Chinese men tend to like to be enmeshed in a marriage relationship? (i.e. share the events of the day with the wife or share problems with each other or share money, dreams, goals, etc.)? 

中国男生是不是更倾向于认为结婚了就是进入围城?(比如与妻子分担家务、共同承担问题、共享家庭资金、梦想和目标等等)

How about asking for help? Do Chinese husbands enjoy asking their wives for help or do they avoid this like the plague?

如何看待相互帮助?中国的丈夫们是否乐于向妻子寻求帮助或者为了避免麻烦而独自承担?

Can you elaborate?

能详细地描述一下不,亲?

How Do Chinese men typically feel in marriage about keeping their marriage instilled with romanticism, love, passion, private time together, sex, and fun ?

中国男生关于浇灌婚姻的这些因素如浪漫、爱、激情、二人世界、性和情趣的典型感受是怎样的?

Do Chinese men typically feel that marriage is not the place for "love and romanticism" but just an institution of convenience or for survival (have children and to acquire property, have a foundation, etc.)? 

中国男生真的觉得爱情不是“爱和浪漫”的归宿,而仅仅是社会责任或仅仅是为了传宗接代吗?

Might Chinese men prefer to find love and romance outside of a marriage?

中国男生更是不是更喜欢搞外遇?

Just really curious about these things and again...I understand this is generalization and that generalization is dangerous...but I want to get a general feeling or consensus...because there are "cultural norms" in every society. I want to hear what Chinese men and women are saying about this nowadays...

再次申明我的确是对这些好奇,也明白这太笼统一般化,虽然不是很好。。。但我想知道你们的一般的感受或一直意见。因为每个社会都有“文化传统”,我想知道当前中国男生和女生在说什么想什么。。。。。



2.       Hi lady:

I'm a chinese man at my age of 23 ! i think i have the right to post my views of the chinese men!

你好,女士:

我是一个23岁的中国男生,我想我有权利发表关于中国男生的看法。

Answer 1:most of the chinese men treat their wives as their family member , she should keep the family and bore kids, and share family's responsibilites. And only the lovebroken(or the couples work in different city) couples are seprate.

答案1:大多数中国男人视他们的妻子为家庭成员,她们应该承担家庭的责任,持家带孩子。仅仅那些婚姻破裂的夫妻或生活在不同城市的夫妻是分离的。

Answer 2:chinese men will share everything with his wife, money, love , goals, etc. but men usually keep a small amount of money as his own to treat friends ,help relatives.

答案2:中国男人会与妻子分享一切,包括金钱、爱情、理想目标等等,但是通常自己会留一些钱用于结交好友或帮助亲戚。

Answer 3: before make a very important decision, chinese men usually ask for wife's suggestions , and wife's suggestions are very important and influsive,

答案3:在作重大决定之前,中国的男人会寻求妻子的建议,妻子的建议是很重要的并有很大影响力。

Answer 4: In china, men have to work hard to keep the family , so they don't have much attention and time to create romanticism or funs.

答案4:在中国,中国男人不得不努力工作以维持家用,所以通常他们很少有时间去营造罗曼蒂克或情趣。

Answer 5: only tiny part of chinese men use marriage as a way of making money , acquiring property or foundation.

答案5:只有微乎其微的中国男人会通过婚姻去获得财产或人生根基。

Answer 6 : I can not promise you that your husband will not find love and romance outside of marriage

答案6:我不能向你保证你的男人不会去寻求外遇。



3.       I was really hoping more women would comment on this. Perhaps the girls are afraid to let the guys see their proprietary feminine strategic intelligence. ;-)

我真的很期待有更多女性对此评论,也许女孩们都害怕小伙子们窥视了她们内心的小秘密想法。笑脸



4.       Yes, I was hoping to get answers from men and women...women who have known and been intimate with Chinese men and Chinese men who would like to speak for themselves.

对头,我也希望同时获得男生和女生的回答。。。尤其是那些对中国男生私交甚密的,中国男生通常只为他们自己说话。

:)



5.       My answers: 

我的答案:

No.1 

The husband and the wife could be best friends. But to my understanding, their relationship is more than friends. Perhaps, soul mate is the best word. What does 'separate' mean here? I guess that 'independent' is more suitable. In traditional families, women are dependent.However, they have become more indepedent than before. 

丈夫和妻子能成为最好的朋友,根据我的理解,他们的关系要比朋友来的更好。情投意合,也许是最好的形容词语。“分离”在这里如何解释?我想“独立”更贴切些。在传统家庭里,女人是独立的,然而现在,她们更加独立。

No.2 

He is not enmeshed in the marriage. Personally, I think that the husband will be happy to share whatever you have mentioned since they are a couple. 

丈夫不会被婚姻牵绊,就我个人来言,如果结为夫妻,丈夫会很乐意分享或分担妻子提及的任何事情。

No.3 

At least for me, I am happy to ask help from my wife. Just as TUNGSHUNGHWA said, before making important decision, they usually ask his wife's opinion. 

至少对于我来说,我很乐意寻求我老婆的帮助。就像LSSS说的,在作出重大决定之前,他们通常会寻求妻子的意见。

No.4 

What TUNGSHUNGHWA said is true. But I think that romanticism, love and passion etc are very important to manage a happy marriage. 

LSSS说的没错,但是我认为浪漫、爱和激情对于营造美好婚姻是很重要的。

No.5 

For me, if I do not love my wife, I would not get married with her. Some men just take advantage of marriage to gain property or high social positions. 

对于我来讲,如果我不爱我的妻子,我是不会娶她的。的确有些人会利用婚姻来获得财产和高社会地位。

No.6 

Why do they find love outside of marriage? I guess that he does not have a happy marriage and the relationship between him and her is not good so he is fed up with it.

为什么他们要搞外遇?我猜是他没有一个愉悦的婚姻,要不就是两人关系恶劣他受够了。



6.       I agree with Leopold 219 and Tungshunghwa about tha Chinese man. I am engaged to one and that is the way he is. We are like friends , lovers , etc. We try to make decisions together. I love that.This means he acknowledges me as a partner. My family just loves him ,because he is so caring. We are to marry this fall in the US and then have a ceremony in China for his family.

我同意2楼和5楼关于中国男人的观点。我和一个中国男人订婚了,他也的确是那样。我们像是朋友、爱人等等。我很高兴我们能共同做决定,这说说明他把我当作伙伴,家庭的一份子。我的家庭都很喜欢他,因为他是那么细心体贴。我们将在这个秋天在美国结婚,并在中国为他的家庭举办一次婚礼。



7.       Generally speaking, most chinese are not able to respect other's privacy and rights BECAUSE THERE IS NO EFFECTIVE LAW TO FORCE THEM TO OBEY THE RULES, not able to act as they said.

通常地讲,大多数中国不可能尊重别人的隐私和权利,因为那里没有法律去规范约束他们,不可能像他们说的那样。

If you don't believe this, you can check what they do in their real life.

如果你不相信,你可以看看他们平时真实生活中是怎么做的。

Of course, generally speaking.

当然,仅仅是通常地说。



8.       It depends on what part of China they are from as well and whether they are traditional or not and even their social status. You can have a Chinese husband that is the best husband possible or he can be the scum of the earth just like anywhere else. I knew a man from Shanghai and his circle of friends were always out messing around with women other than their wives. They were somewhat wealthy and all believed it was their right as men to do this. I actually knew many men like this. but on the same hand I knew many men who were terrific husbands as well. Another friend of mine (a woman) had parents who were trying to set her up with a man they thought was suitable. He was very rich but completely clueless about her. He felt that all he needed to do was buy her stuff and she would be happy and he just could not understand why she didn't want to go out with him. Her parents couldn't understand either. I've even seen men beat their wives on the street in front of everyone and no one will do anything. When I ask my friends later why that is they all say it's because he is the husband and she must've done something wrong. These aren't things that I've read in magazines, they're things that I have seen with my own eyes.

这也取决于他们来自中国的哪部分,他们是否是传统的,甚至是他们的社会身份。你可能有一个最好的中国丈夫或者他也可能是个无处不在的社会渣滓。我认识一个上海人,他和他圈子里的朋友,经常抛开他们的妻子而出去乱搞。他们都是些有点钱的人,他们认为这是他们作为男人的权利和自由。我的确认识很多这样的人,同时,我也认识一些极好的丈夫。我另外有个女性朋友,她的父母极力想把她介绍给一个男人,这个男人非常富有,可是却对这个女子一无所知,但是他却认为他只要给她买东西就会取悦她,他一点都不明白为什么女孩不愿意和出门约会,而女孩的父母同样不理解。我曾经看到男人在大街上当着所有人的面打他的老婆,而其他人都对此熟视无睹并无动于衷。当我问我的朋友为什么会发生这样的事情,他们总是说,因为他是丈夫,而妻子肯定是做了什么错事。这些事情不是从杂志里看到的花边,而是我亲眼目睹。

Based upon what I have seen from my time living there I would have to say that GUEST30234 is the closest to the stereotypical one may act.

根据我在那里生活的所见所闻,我可以断定那个家伙是个五毛。



9.       I will throw in an observation about my wife's elder brother and his wife. 

我想插入我对大舅子和他老婆的观察

In the times that I have been with them, they are outwardly very reserved in their behavior; almost like business partners. To an American's eyes they were not cold toward each other, but it would be hard to imagine them "rolling like thunder under the covers" (to quote the lyrics of an old rock 'n roll song). 

我和他们相处了一段时间,他们表面看上去很少说话,就像是商业伙伴,用美国人的话来说,他们一点都不酷,很难想象他们会像摇滚歌曲"rolling like thunder under the covers"唱的那样。

(译者:好吧,我对"rolling like thunder under the covers"这首歌不了解。)

I would certainly like to see further discussion of this issue because it is useful for me in understanding the expectations my wife may have.

我很期待关于这个问题的深层次讨论,因为这对我理解我妻子可能的期望有所帮助。



10.   This topic came up on my last visit to China in discussion with a group of (female) Chinese friends. Generally it seems that Chinese men do not show affection to their wives in the same way a western man might. The reasons suggested were tradition, shyness and "macho" (to show weakness). The ladies accepted this but did admit that they would like more romance and affection in their relationship. Western influence seems to be creeping in here. This lack of showing affection certainly didn't mean that the men didn't love their partners, they simply don't consider it necessary. Although none of the ladies admitted to being beaten by their men, they all knew someone who did get beaten.

这个主题在上次我去中国的时候和一些中国女性朋友讨论过。通常,中国男人不会像西方男人那样把他们对妻子的爱慕表现出来。原因可能是传统、羞涩和“男子气概”(示弱)。女士们能接受这些,并承认他们在婚姻中想要更多的浪漫和爱慕。西方的影响看上去正在慢慢侵入,表达爱慕当然不意味着男人不爱他们的妻子,他们仅仅认为没必要那么做。虽然没有一位女士接受被自己的男人打,但是他们知道,有人的确被揍了。



11.   interesting points...

有趣的观点。。。。。。。

My husband is Chinese (from China-- as I might have stated above) and I'm non-chinese and American.

我的丈夫是个中国人(来自中国——就像我上面所说的),而我不是中国人,也不是美国人。

You know, my husband doesn't show affection always and sometimes I get hurt or upset with him because I feel he's a bit cold. He doesn't like it when I say that-- sometimes I cry and get mad at him because he acts cold. Sometimes i think it's just a veil he wears to cover up his pain or hurt and so he wants to seem strong and invincible.

你知道,我的丈夫一直都不表达爱慕,有时我会受伤或者难过,因为我觉得他有点冷血。有时因为他表现的太冷静,我会哭泣,会感到发疯,而他不喜欢我向他述说这些。有时我认为,他仅仅是掩盖他的痛苦和伤害,而让他看起来很坚强和坚忍不拔的。

He does try-- so I think it is just in his culture and so engrained in him to be that way.


He only knows what his parents and society taught him and what he's seen in movies/etc. as examples.

他的确在努力——所以我想这仅仅是他的文化传统,已经在他心中根深蒂固。他知道的是从他父母那里得到的和社会教会他的,又比如是从电影里看来的。


So, he has tried by holding my hand, etc. i don't ask him to go too far there-- so I don't ask him to kiss me in pubic except if he's picking me up at the airport in China and I haven't seen him in a long time and he tell him ahead of time: you'd better give me a BIG HUG and KISS!! and we just give a normal kiss-- not anything too sensual. I'm a little shy in public, too haha so it's okay.

所以,他已经尽力牵住了我的手,我也不会要求更多——我不奢望他会在公共场合吻我除非他去中国机场接我,我已经很长一段时间没看见他,并提前告诉他,最好能给我一个大大的吻,结果只是一个普通的kiss,没有更多(那个啥)。我在公共场合也有点害羞,所以还好啦!

But, I do believe when he understands that I need more affection...he tries. He definitely has his way of expressing love and I have mine-- definitely cultural differences there.

但是,我相信,当他明白我需要更多爱慕的时候他在尽力。他确实有他自己表达爱的方式,而我也有自己的方式,的确是文化不同的缘故。

He expresses love by cooking really good food, massaging my back or feet, or doing things for me like coming home at break or lunch to surprise me-- or joking with me or flirting with me (or doing things he doesn't like to do but does them because i insist).

他会烹调美食,给我捶背揉腿,或者在早餐和午餐时回家给我惊喜,又或者和我开玩笑或调情(做些他不愿意做却因为我的坚持而做的事情),他通过这些方式表达他的爱意。

I express love in some of those ways too, but the difference is -- as b/w many westerners and chinese is that I am more verbal I think-- more demonstrative with body gestures, touching and words. He's less in that department. 

我也会通过那些方式表达我的爱意,但是不同的是——像许多西方人和中国人之间的不同——我更多通过语言和更多的肢体表达,而这是他所缺少的。

But...he's definitely shown me emotion-- he cries sometimes and shows his feelings. But, he says that he says he's not crying for Me...but for himself (hmmmm) when we get in a fight or something. bad? narcissism at its best? Maybe. 

但是,他确实向我表达情感——有时他会哭,表现他的感情。但是他说他不是为我而哭泣,是为自己,当我们吵架或有些不好的事情。是不是只是有点自恋情结?也许吧!

He's really sensitive about feeling he's not being trusted...OMG! If he feels I'm not trusting him he goes OFF!

他的确有些敏感,他觉得他不被信任。。。。偶滴个神啊,如果他觉得我不信任他,他就跑开了。

We haven't lived together in the states yet though...he's coming here soon so it'll be interesting to find out what he's like and how I am in the relationship where it's "real" and not fantasy-- day to day grind.

虽然我们在这个国家还没有在一起生活过,不过他不久就要来了。去发现他像哪般,我在我们关系中扮演的角色是什么,那些是真实而不是幻影,这会很有趣——一天天磨合吧。

Hope that sums it up (for now) :)

希望所有都是那样(目前)



12.   GUEST61113,

Men are not as expressive as women. A great number of men have emotions but they don't know how to express them. A majority of men try to pretend to be macho by never showing the weakness and feeling in front of others. ( Many men believe that displaying their affection for their lovers in front of their friends is an embarrassment.)


楼上的,男人不会像女人那样去表现的。很大一部分男人都有情有义,只是不知道如何表达。大多数男子都尽力不在他人面前显示软弱和情感,来表现男子气概。(很多男人都相信在他们朋友面前示爱是件令人难堪的事情)



13.       That's unfortunate.

太不幸了。



14.       'Love' is a christian concept, not Asian. So chinese men would rarely display their affection for the wife in public unlike in Western society. In Buddhist Thailand, Japan, Korea, Burma and many moslem countries, public displays of affection for the opposite sex is taboo and considered uncivilized.

爱是基督徒的观念,不是亚洲人的。所以中国人不会像西方人一样公开地表现他们的情感。信仰佛教的泰国、日本、朝鲜和穆斯林国家,公开的向异性表达爱意是禁忌的和被认为是不文明的。

'Duty', 'responsibility' are an inherent part of Confucian societies like in Singapore, Malaysian Chinese community, Japan, Korea, Taiwan, Hong Kong and China - core values that are timeless and valued as "good character" of the man.

“义务和责任”是儒家社会固有的部分,像新加坡、马来西亚中国人社区、日本、朝鲜、台湾、香港,这些中国核心价值观是永恒的,并被认为是男人的“好品质”。

Although times have changed as more of the younger generation in China embraced decadent western ways, traditional Confucian values are still an integral part of Chinese society and that is good. Western practices and trends are based on giving instant gratification and therefore has no moral value - they are to be avoided and discarded.

虽然时代在改变,越来越多的新一代年轻人被颓废的西方生活方式所包围,传统的儒家价值观仍然是中国社会的基本部分,这很好。西方的实践和取向是基于一时满足,而没有道德价值,他们将会被抛弃。



15.       'Love' is a Christian concept, not Asian” really Guestyutang.

How do you account for “The Arabian Nights” not a western (Christian book) or the Karma Sutra, which was not just a manual on physical positions.

爱是基督徒的观念,真的吗,LS的?

那你怎么解释《阿拉伯之夜》不是一本西方的书?而《爱经》也不仅仅是一份体位指南。

There are also numerous Chinese love poems that I won’t bother to list.

And on Confucianism, a woman’s place was at the very bottom of the rung. Viewed only as a chattel.

还有许多中国的爱情诗歌我都懒得列举。

在儒家思想里,女性是在社会最底层,被视为奴隶。

Take a look at the date on your calendar.

Dodger.

伙计,看看你的日历吧!你这大忽悠。



16.       Goal is same, but both you are thinking from different angle.

你们说的是一样,只是角度不同而已。



17.       GuestYuTang,


I guess you are an old dated Chinese man from conutryside who is confusing us. If Confucian ideology was dominant in today's PRC, China would lose half of its talents - women's talents. Confucianism has it bright side but most part of it serves traditional oriental style ruling class who uses it as a tool to suppress women and creativity ( we call it tool of fooling people). The sub-stream chinese philosophy- Taoism is more close to western values but was discarded by ruling class in china.

14楼的,你想把我们弄懵了吗?我猜你是个从中国乡下来的土鳖。如果儒家思想在今日中国仍然占据绝对优势位置,中国将失去一半人才,女性人才。儒家思想的确有开明的部分,但是大部分是东方风格统治阶级用来压制女性和创造力的工具。(我们称之为愚弄人民的工具)替代哲学——涛主义更接近西方价值观,但是被统治阶级所抛弃。

Duty or responsibility is common value to both western cultures and oriental cultures. You cannot say it's only men in chinese community who own this virtue. 

义务和责任对于西方和东方文化来说都是普世价值观,你不能说这仅仅是中国人社区仅有的。

And could you explain us the LOVE in Christian concept?

你能不能向我们解释一下基督徒观念的“爱”?



18.       Get a real education DODGER or did you dodge most of it when young. Arabian nights is a creation by western romantics and kamasutra IS a sex manual you plank!!

去学校好好进修一下吧,你这大忽悠,年轻的时候你是不是把所有东西都成功忽略了,《阿拉伯之夜》是西方浪漫派的东西,而《爱经》是本性爱指南,你这个雕木脑袋!!



19.       Guestbrit, you’ve obviously not read either.

伙计你根本没读过。

I have the Arabian Night version translated by Sir Richard Burton.

我有一本理查德翻译的《阿拉伯之夜》。

Let us all know when you have actually had a read.

当你真正读了请让我们知道

I’m not sure if either has a Dummy version though.

我都不确定你是不是有本盗版的版本。

Dodger.

你这大忽悠。



20.       This is my take on Love etc. It starts as LUST, that right a man's first thoughts are "she's beautiful and I want to bed her". No man looks at a woman and says "I want to marry that woman". Love sometimes comes with and after LUST, but LUST is always FIRST. There are always exceptions to the rule, also when men age and mature their thinking changes a little but LUST is always there.

说说我对爱情等的看法:开始于性欲,一个男人首先的想法是“她很漂亮,我要把她弄上床”,没有一个男人看到一个女人会说“我要娶那个女人”。在性之后,爱情有时会出现,但首先肯定是性欲。这个规则毫无例外,当男人长大,思想成熟了也许有所改变,但是性欲总在那里。



21.       >>I guess you are an old dated Chinese man from conutryside who is confusing us. If Confucian ideology was dominant in today's PRC, China would lose half of its talents - women's talents. Confucianism has it bright side but most part of it serves traditional oriental style ruling class who uses it as a tool to suppress women and creativity ( we call it tool of fooling people). The sub-stream chinese phylosophy- Taoism is more close to western values but was discarded by ruling class in china.

引用:你想把我们弄懵了吗?我猜你是个从中国乡下来的土鳖。如果儒家思想在今日中国仍然占据绝对优势位置,中国将失去一半人才,女性人才。儒家思想的确有开明的部分,但是大部分是东方风格统治阶级用来压制女性和创造力的工具。(我们称之为愚弄人民的工具)替代哲学——涛主义更接近西方价值观,但是被统治阶级所抛弃。

I'm a very young Chinese guy. Tho I'm too young to speak of marriage (but relationship, yes, somehow), I should say that's not exactly right. I think people socialize with people, not people "as" a culture. You don't judge people based on their culture (as a collective term for the thinking of millions of them in the same country), but on them as individuals/persons.

我是个很年轻的中国家伙,也许我是太年轻了去讨论婚姻。我说的不一定正确,我认为人们是相互社会化而不是文化,你不能根据他们的文化氛围而判断一个人,而应该单独区别看待。

>>Do men in China feel it's desirable to be friends (like a best friend) with the wife?

I don't (personally) get this, tho I do see a lot of couples being that gd friends.

引用:是不是中国人视他们的妻子为好朋友。

我个人没有经历这个,但是我的确看到许多夫妻成为好朋友。

>>Do Chinese men typically feel that marriage is not the place for "love and romanticism" but just an institution of convenience or for survival (have children and to acquire property, have a foundation, etc.)?

引用:中国男生真的觉得爱情不是“爱和浪漫”的归宿,而仅仅是社会责任或仅仅是为了传宗接代吗?

I forget to say I'm always based in Hong Kong, so it may be a bit different. Here, people marry, exactly, as an institution, and you aren't supposed to leave it... (at least for many of those who are 30 sth now) but other than that, relationships can be as frequent as u like before it, I guess.

我忘了说,我所说的是给予我在香港的生活经验,所以也许有些不同。这里,人们要结婚确实是制度,你不可能逃避(至少对于大部分30多岁的人来说),但是我想,在这之前的良好关系还是必须的。



22.   I am married to a chinese man. My mother -in-law is definitely intrusive. I had to be very blunt with her to protect my privacy. I am married to the only child male. He is not intrusive. When we argue he would be very mean ie: pointing fingers, slamming door or walking away... I am wonder what does this mean.... I don't know if I can assume most chinese men act like this?

我嫁给了一个中国男人。我妈妈对此很不满并试图组织我,所以我直言不讳以保护我的私生活。但是我嫁给的却是孩子气的男人,令人不胜烦恼。当我们争吵时,他会表现的很刻薄,比如,用手指指着我,“砰”地一声关门,然后扬长而去。。。。我想知道这意味着什么。。。。。我不知道我是不是可以假定大部分中国男人都这样??



23.   I'm not chinese nor am I married to a chinese man. I grew up in a very chinese dominated area. My best friends were chinese, my babysitter was chinese and about 95% of my nieghborhood were chinese. What I've learned growing up there is that their relationships vary just like anywhere else. It all depends on who you marry. If you marry a more modern chinese man then it probably won't be to much different. But if you marry a very traditional man then it might be a little tough to adjust to his lifestyle. From what I've seen chinese mothers can be very overbearing. To the point that it use to piss Toy and Long off and they grew up with this. So to someone that's not use to it, it might be a little overwhelming. Some husbands were very kind wonderful husbands and fathers. Some were not. Toy's father was abusive. And it was the norm to them. Her older brother, Sun, was even allowed to punish and hit them. I hadn't seen it until I was about 16, but I had seen the after effects. When I was 16 I went in the backyard to feed my rabbits and I heard Sun shouting in chinese and Long crying and Tommy (the youngest boy, at the time he was only about 4 months old) crying. So I peeked over the fence to see Long sitting on the back porch hunched over with Tommy in her lap and Sun standing over her with their broom (They made them. They were these long fuzzy cattail things all bound together. The handle was about 2 in. thick.) And he was hitting her with it. And not lightly. So I proceed to yell at him. I began shouting obscenities and telling him he was in America and that he couldn't do that here, that I was gonna call the cops, ect. He ran inside after that. So I jumped the fence and took the baby, made sure Long was alright, so forth and so on. My father later had a nice long talk with her father and i didn't "see" to many bruises after that. But I don't think they stopped hitting them. I they just got more quite about it. But take the people across the street as a different example. She cheated on her husband and had a blonde hair blue eyed little girl (that she didn't speak a lick of english, she was so cute). They also had an older son together. The husband had left her but still came around all the time, was a great father and didn't even treat the mother badly. He was a real nice guy. So my really really long point (I know I went off on a tangent) is, it all depends on who you marry.

我不是中国人,也没有与中国人结婚,我成长在一个中国人占主导地位的地方。我最好的朋友都是中国人,包括我的保姆,并且我95%的邻居都是中国人。我在那里成长,让我告诉你我在那里成长过程学到的(了解到):他们的关系改观和其他任何地方都一样,取决于你与谁结了婚。如果你嫁给了一个比较现代的中国男人,很有可能没什么不同,但是如果你嫁给了一个传统的男人,要是想转变他的生活方式可能比较困难。在我看来,中国的母亲比较专横。要命的是总是婆婆妈妈,而他们一直都是在这样环境中成长的。对某些不能习惯的人,会有点不知所措。有些是完美的丈夫,而有些则不是。Toy的爸爸比较粗俗,经常对她恶言相加,这似乎是习以为常的事情,而她的哥哥“sun”居然被默认可以打她。我以前没有见过,直到我16岁的时候,当我去后院喂我的小兔子的时候,我听到sun用中国话在咆哮,而Tommy(他的弟弟,当时只有4岁)在嚎啕大哭。从栅栏我瞥见toy把Tommy抱在膝上坐在门框后,sun拿着扫帚(他们自己做的,手柄有两英寸粗)打他的妹妹,不是轻轻地打。所以我就冲着他吼,这是美国,在这里你不能这么做,马上我就报警了等等。然后他就进屋去了,我跨过栅栏,抱起宝宝,确保他没事。在这之后我爸爸找他爸爸长谈了一次,以后就没有再发现他们身上有瘀伤了。我不认为他们就此就不再打他们,也许只是让动作安静了些。这条街另一个不同的例子是,女人欺骗了她的丈夫有了一个金发蓝眼的小女孩(不能说英语,但是非常可爱漂亮),他们也有个大点的儿子。爸爸因为妈妈的背叛离开了他们,但是仍然经常过来探望,是个了不起的父亲,甚至在妻子背叛他的情况下都没有粗暴对待她,他真是个好人。所以我的观点是(我知道说的有点离题了),完全取决于你嫁给谁。



24.   hiiiiiiii

I have a chinese boy friend,i am really interested in knowing how is the life like while you live with a chinese man! He actually proposed me to marry him and live with him in China! u know, I am iranian. He is really lovely.

嘿嘿!!我有个中国男朋友,我真的很感兴趣,和一个中国男人在一起生活到底是怎样的呢?事实上,他已经向我求婚让我嫁给他,并想让我和他一起去中国生活!你知道,我是伊朗人。他的确是个小可人。



25.   I have dated a chinese man here in the united states, he is very shy and would not look at me. He was very affectionate behind closed doors, but would not hold my hand in public. I am white and brought up here.

我是个美国人,我和一个中国男人约会,他非常害羞不敢看我,在屋里可以柔情蜜意,但是在公共场合却不会牵我的手。我是个白人。

His idea of how romance goes is very different than mine, but I am highly attracted to him so if you want to be in a chinese mans life, then my thought is to respect his wishes, except for any physical violence.

他关于浪漫的理解和我有所不同,但我仍被他深深吸引。如果你想走进一个中国男人的生活,我的想法是,除了威胁你外,多重视点他的愿望。



26.   For the fist question, I would say yes. You can only tell ur secret to the best friend, right?

and if I am in trouble, I hope she will give me full support and help me out.

But, I value my friends very much. Even at the same level with my wife. Maybe , sometimes it will make her unhappy.

关于第一个问题我想说“是的”。你只会把你的小秘密告诉你的最好的朋友,对吧?如果我有麻烦了,我希望她能给全力的支持和帮助。但是,我把朋友看的很重,甚至和老婆同等位置,也许有时,这会让她很不高兴。

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