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【中英双语】洋媳妇要见中国公婆,全球网民出谋划策

更新:2019-06-20 14:38:43  |  来源:转载  |  阅读:0
标签:媳妇公婆网民

#1   XuAshe Posted11 May 2011 - 04:59 AM
I married to a wonderful Chinese man named Hongjie. He is a native of Shanghai and has been in the United States for almost three years. He has met nearly all of my family and next summer I am traveling with him to China for the first time to meet his friends and family. I am really good-nervous and happy yet at the same time I do have quite a bit of reservations.

~His parents and grandparents don't speak English thus I have to learn at least the most basic level of Mandarin in order to speak with them.
~I am pretty decent at using chopsticks, but what are the etiquette for using them in China?
~I have enough trouble pronouncing my husband's name, what do I do if I can't say his family members names? Make up nicknames?
~What if they can't say my name? Should I have my husband give me a simple Chinese name?
~He has told me his grandparents aren't too thrilled that he is with an American, is there a good way to win them over if possible?
~What can I expect his family to treat me like, as their only American family member?

洋媳妇要见中国公婆

我嫁给了一个中国好男人宏杰。他是土生土长的上海人,旅美三年。他几乎见过我家所有人。明年夏天我俩来中国旅游,要第一次见他的朋友和家人。我真的又是甜蜜又是紧张。

〜他的父母和爷爷奶奶不会说英语,所以我至少必须学会最基本的普通话,以便与他们说话。
〜我会用筷子,但在中国有筷子礼仪吗?
〜我读不好老公的名字,如果我说不准他的家庭成员的名字咋办?起昵称?
〜会不会他们也读不出我的名字?让老公给我取个简单的中文名?
〜他曾告诉我,娶个美国人,他的祖父母都不太高兴,有什么好办法赢得他们的欢心?
〜作为其唯一的美国家庭成员,他们会怎么对待我?我应该抱有怎样的觉悟?



#2   Lu Posted 11 May 2011 - 09:11 PM
For starters, read this thread for some useful information.

Some basic Mandarin would be useful: hello, thank you, that tastes great, simple things like that.
As to addressing family members, they are often addressed by their relation to you (older brother, cousin, mother-in-law). You can ask your husband to explain to you who you will meet and how to address them. That way, you can practice in advance.

Actually, it would probably be good to ask your husband as much as possible about what you can expect of this visit and what would be expected of you. After all, he's the most familiar with his family and knows what would work.

下面这些信息对初学者有用:http://www.chinese-forums.com/in ... ese-parents-in-law/

一些管用的基本用语:您好,谢谢你,那味道好极了,这种简单的。
至于家庭成员的称呼,只管跟着老公叫(大哥,表哥,妈)。你可以让老公向你解释,见了谁应该如何称呼。这样,您就可以提前练习。

其实,关于应有怎样的觉悟,只管去问老公。毕竟,他对他家人最熟悉,知道怎么样合适。



#3   jbradfor Posted 11 May 2011 - 10:12 PM
〜我会用筷子,但在中国有筷子礼仪吗?

Don't point with chopsticks, don't suck on chopsticks (in fact, try to avoid touching your chopsticks with your tongue/mouth), lift up your bowl and use your chopsticks to shovel the rice into your mouth. It's OK to grab food directly from the serving dish with your chopsticks (just don't hunt around for the best piece), and it's OK to slurp noodles in soup.

不要用筷子指什么,不要嘬筷子(实际上,舌头/嘴尽量避免接触筷子),端碗和用筷子往嘴里扒饭。直接从共用的盘子夹菜就行(别逮住好菜猛造),吃面用吸的。

〜会不会他们也读不出我的名字?让老公给我取个简单的中文名?

Have him give you a "real" Chinese name, not a simple one. Perhaps this is a good topic for when you are there?

别简单的,让他给你正经取个中文名。入乡随俗对吧?

~他曾告诉我,娶个美国人,他的祖父母都不太高兴,有什么好办法赢得他们的欢心?

This might get me in serious trouble with people here, but my advice is to step back in time about 100 years. At least for your first visit.

Be demure. Don't be aggressive. Serve your husband food. After dinner, join the woman-folk in the kitchen while the men go to the living room to watch TV.

Also, as much as you can, eat whatever is served to you, no matter how weird, if at all possible.

可能诸位要反对,但我还是建议最起码第一次见婆家一切都按老礼来。

要端庄。不要疯。吃饭先紧着老公。晚餐后,和女人们去厨房忙活,让男人去客厅看电视。

此外,给什么就吃什么,别挑,无论多么不可思议,都先忍着。

你可以让老公向你解释,见了谁应该如何称呼。这样,您就可以提前练习。

If not done already, have your husband show you pictures of each person you are likely to meet, and practice saying their relationship and title. Seriously. Do this over and over until you get them all correct with a decent accent.

And, if he hasn't already, have him tell you a bit about each person (background, interests, etc) so you have something to talk about (if they speak English).

不行就让你老公拿照片介绍谁是谁,怎么称呼。要严肃对待。多来几遍,直到你弄明白,还得发音正确。

最后,让他告诉你说说每个人的琐事(背景,兴趣等),见面就有话说了(假设他们会说英语)。



#4   Meng Lelan Posted 12 May 2011 - 05:10 AM
Browse Speaking of China for some of your questions especially the one about acceptance as a Western spouse, all kinds of topics here:

http://www.speakingofchina.com/

浏览http://www.speakingofchina.com/,可以回答你的一些问题,特别是西方配偶怎么能被接纳。



#5   xiaocai Posted 12 May 2011 - 06:07 AM

可能诸位要反对,但我还是建议最起码第一次见婆家一切都按老礼来。。

要端庄。不要疯。吃饭先紧着老公。晚餐后,和女人们去厨房忙活,让男人去客厅看电视。

此外,给什么就吃什么,别挑,无论多么不可思议,都先忍着。

May not be necessary if she is dating a Shanghai man.

可能没有必要,如果她对像是个上海男人。



#6   rezaf Posted 12 May 2011 - 07:27 AM

至于家庭成员的称呼,只管跟着老公叫(大哥,表哥,妈)

Yes you should NEVER call the older generation by their names in China.

在中国对长辈,绝对绝对不能直呼其名

此外,给什么就吃什么,别挑,无论多么不可思议,都先忍着。

They might use their own chopsticks and put some food into your plate. Don't get surprised when they do that as it means that they care about you.

他们可能用他们的筷子给你布菜。千万别少见多怪,那是关心你。

吃饭先紧着老公。晚餐后,和女人们去厨房忙活,让男人去客厅看电视。

Actually in Shanghai men are responsible for the kitchen stuff ;) but since you must show them that you can take care of your husband you should wash the dishes at least. Wait until everyone has finished then bring the dishes to the kitchen. They might try to stop your as you are their guest but don't be fooled, in their heart they expect you to do that. You should help in doing the housework before they tell you. In China there is a clear line between the members of two generations. So respect them as much as you can.

And don't forget to bring gifts for them.(the more expensive the better)

上海男人其实也做饭:),但为了向他们表示出你可以照顾老公,最少把碗洗了。等大家都吃好了,你就收拾盘子。他们可能会不让你干,因为你是客人。但别实心眼,他们实际上期望你这样做。别等人说,你应该抢着帮衬家务。在中国两代之间尊卑分明。所以你应该尽可能尊重他们。

别忘了买礼物(越贵越好)



#7   aristotle1990 Posted 12 May 2011 - 07:32 AM

越贵越好

Yeah. Best if you get a 500 RMB bottle of wine and "accidentally" forget to remove the price tag.

对。最好带上一瓶500大洋的“忘了”撕价签的红酒



#8   kenny2006woo Posted 12 May 2011 - 10:17 AM

越贵越好
对。最好带上一瓶500大洋的“忘了”撕价签的红酒

Welll, this is probably true but not every one is obssessed with vanity.

可能,但不是每个人都那么虚荣。



#9   rezaf Posted 12 May 2011 - 11:40 AM

可能,但不是每个人都那么虚荣。

You Know China better than me but in my experience expensive gifts are very important in Chinese relationships and can greatly affect the way people judge about you. I'm not saying that it's the only factor but it certainly is more important than in the west and it certainly is a very fast and useful way for her to win some points in her first visit.

你比我懂中国,但以我的经验,在中国处好关系昂贵的礼物非常重要,可以极大地影响人们对你的评价。不是说它是唯一的因素,但肯定比在西方更重要,可以快速有效的让她的第一次访问得个高分。



#10   kenny2006woo Posted 12 May 2011 - 11:55 AM

你比我懂中国,但以我的经验,在中国处好关系昂贵的礼物非常重要,可以极大地影响人们对你的评价。不是说它是唯一的因素,但肯定比在西方更重要,可以快速有效的让她的第一次访问得个高分。

I have but to agree with you. :)

只好同意你



#11   HedgePig Posted12 May 2011 - 01:26 PM
While I agree with much of the advice given, I think it's worth saying that despite all the rules mentioned, I think Chinese people are generally quite forgiving towards foreigners. If you are making a sincere effort to try and fit in, people really do appreciate that effort. The odd lapse or mistake or using the wrong form of address is not going to result in instant excommunication, so I wouldn't worry _too_ much about memorising all of the the million and one rules that you've been told about here and elsewhere, or panicking if you forget one.

I've also heard that you shouldn't be entirely surprised if your husband's behaviour changes on returning to China as he reverts to the role expected of him by his family, which may be somewhat different from his everyday behaviour in the US.

I'm sure you'll have interesting (in a good way) and enjoyable time - don't worry too much about the forthcoming trip.

虽然我同意大部分的意见,我还是想说,尽管有上述的规矩,我认为中国人对外国人普遍比较宽容。只要你真诚的努力,试着去适应,人家会看在眼里。说错话,叫错人不会造成被扫地出门,这么多规矩,偶有疏忽也难免。

返回中国后,如果老公的行为有变化,你不用太惊讶,那是他恢复到他的家人期望的样子,可能和他在美国的日常行为有所不同。

我敢肯定你会喜欢那里——不用太担心即将到来的旅行。



#12   gato Posted12 May 2011 - 01:36 PM

对。最好带上一瓶500大洋的“忘了”撕价签的红酒

As a daughter-in-law, I don't think it's prudent to bring any gifts that are too expensive because it could make them think that you are a big spender (i.e. spending your husband's money). ;)

我认为作为儿媳妇,带的礼物过于贵重反倒不美,他们可能据此认为你是一个败家娘们儿(败你爷们儿的家)。 ;)



#13   rezaf Posted 12 May 2011 - 07:58 PM

虽然我同意大部分的意见,我还是想说,尽管有上述的规矩,我认为中国人对外国人普遍比较宽容。只要你真诚的努力,试着去适应,人家会看在眼里。说错话,叫错人不会造成被扫地出门,这么多规矩,偶有疏忽也难免。

Not necessarily. When I was dating my wife(my girlfriend at that time) more than two years ago, my Chinese was bad and I didn't know much about the Chinese culture. At that time her family was nice to me and they just enjoyed having a 国际友人 around. Now that we are married and my Chinese is better they treat me like everyone else of my generation in the family and they criticize me all the time. Somehow I like it better now because it means that I am part of the family not just some foolish 老外 who doesn't know anything and is used for entertainment.

不一定。我和我的妻子(当时是女朋友)两年多前搞对象的时候,我的中文不好,我不懂中国文化。当时她的家人对我很好,只是因为我是个国际友人。现在我们结婚了,我的中文好些了,他们开始拿我当晚辈对待了,不停的批评。不知怎的,我更喜欢现在,因为这意味着我是家庭一员,而不只是个傻乎乎的狗屁不通的好玩的老外。



#14   Brian Posted 12 May 2011 - 08:37 PM
Table manners aside, I think the only etiquette for eating is to get the food in your mouth. Doesn't really matter how you do it.

说到餐桌礼仪,我觉得就一个礼仪:可劲儿造。怎么造其实并不重要。



#15   skylee Posted 12 May 2011 - 09:10 PM
It's 国际 not 国籍.

国际,不是国籍。



#16   rezaf Posted 12 May 2011 - 09:12 PM
corrected the typo

纠错



#17   jbradfor Posted 12 May 2011 - 09:57 PM

上海男人其实也做饭

Are you sure that's really true and your wife's not just saying that to make you do all the kitchen work? ;)

真的?别是你老婆为了让你包揽做饭的活使的一计吧? ;)



#18   rezaf Posted 12 May 2011 - 10:33 PM
It's not just her. Her aunt once seriously explained to me that it's the Chinese custom that the husband should do the cooking and housework but it's really interesting that they have serious problems with the wife of my wife's cousin who doesn't cook at home. When she is not there they always talk behind her back and when I'm not there they talk behind my back although I cook and wash the dishes (but don't do the other stuff).

不只是她。她姑姑有一次认真的向我解释说这是中国习俗,丈夫要饭做家务。但真正有趣的是,我内表弟的倒霉老婆从不做饭。他们一直说她的闲话,他们也说我闲话,虽然我做饭洗碗(但不做其他事)。



#19   Lu Posted 12 May 2011 - 10:37 PM

他们一直说她的闲话,他们也说我闲话

Looks like you're treated just like one of the family :-p

这才像一家人:-p



#20   anonymoose Posted 12 May 2011 - 10:38 PM
So what do they think of kashk-e-bademjan then?

他们喜欢kashk-e-bademjan吗?
(伊朗菜)



#21   rezaf Posted 12 May 2011 - 10:51 PM
Under the pressure I cook but I only can cook Chinese food. Anyway I have took them to Iranian, Lebanese, Turkish, Spanish, Mexican,Italian ,... restaurants in Dubai and they always complain how the foreign food is disgusting from the beginning to the end.

In Iran the word for the husband that I have become is much stronger than 妻管严。 <_<

在压力下,我做饭,但我只能做中国菜。我带他们去了迪拜的伊朗、黎巴嫩、土耳其、西班牙、墨西哥、意大利...餐馆,他们一天到晚抱怨外国饭没法吃。

在伊朗,称呼我这衰样的老公,用词比“妻管严”可难听多了。 >_<



#22   gato Posted12 May 2011 - 11:42 PM
It's called "whipped". There's also a more naughty version of that.

这就是所谓的“欠抽”。还有更俏皮的说法。



#23   rezaf Posted 12 May 2011 - 11:55 PM
Anyway is it really true that the Shanghainese men are whipped or is it just waidiren making jokes about them? Personally I have seen quite a few but I don't know many Shanghainese men to judge.

上海爷们儿是真欠抽?还是外地人故意挤对上海人?个人而言,我已经看到了不少,但我不敢说全上海的爷们都这样。



#24   XuAshe Posted13 May 2011 - 01:08 AM
Thanks for all the responses so far! ^_^

I am going to start learning Mandarin in the fall formally, and I might see if I can start and get some lessons from one of the people that were witnesses at our wedding. This same man suggested that my husband give me a sort of shortened version of my name. I kept my last name for the time being so he suggested: Ha AiLi or something of this fashion.

As for my chopsticks, my husband always scolds me when I point with them, so I am learning not to do that. As for everything else, I watch all the Chinese people I work with when they eat.

Ah and my husband wants us to have a small wedding ceremony for his parents while we are in China; how much different are Chinese weddings from Western ones?

Is there anything else I should know?

感谢各位亲的回应! ^_^

我会在秋季正式开始学习普通话,可能一个证婚人能教我些东西。这个人建议老公以我的名字为基础给我取中文名。我想先保持我的姓,因此他建议叫哈爱丽或类似的什么。

至于筷子,一拿筷子指他,老公就说我,我努力克服。我还观察了中国同事怎么吃饭。

哎呀,老公希望我们当他父母的面补办一个小型婚礼,中国婚礼和西方婚礼有多大不同?

还有什么我应该知道的吗?



#25   rezaf Posted 13 May 2011 - 10:25 AM
Chinese weddings in big cities are usually very boring big dinner parties in big hotels. The only special thing about them is that the bride and groom should change their clothes three or four times during the ceremony. The good thing about them is that people who come should bring money in red envelopes but the bad thing about them is that you should give the money back to them when they or their children get married.

中国大城市的婚礼通常是在大饭店开大席,很无聊。唯一特殊的是,新娘和新郎在仪式上要换三四次礼服。好处是,来宾给红包,坏处是,他们或他们的子女结婚,你也得给红包。



#26   skylee Posted 13 May 2011 - 11:39 AM

好处是,来宾给红包,坏处是,他们或他们的子女结婚,你也得给红包。

Aren't these the same as/similar to weddings in other places? It is simply giving gifts (money or other gifts) to the wedding couple. Or perhaps in some other countries people don't give gifts to the newly weds when they go to a wedding banquet?

别处不这样?就是给新人送礼吧(钱或其他礼品)。还能有些国家的参加婚宴不兴随礼?



#27   anonymoose Posted 13 May 2011 - 12:05 PM
You give a gift if you attend their wedding, but it's not necessary when they drop a sprog. And many people these day pop sprogs out without being married.

如果你参加他们的婚礼,就送。先斩后奏奉子成婚的可以不送。最近没结婚先有娃的多起来了。



#28   rezaf Posted 13 May 2011 - 01:32 PM
In my country it's mostly gifts or jewlery for the bride but they seldom give money. Personally I prefer the money because it can be directly used for the costs of the wedding.

我国多是送礼物或首饰给新娘,很少给钱。我个人更喜欢钱,因为可以直接用于婚礼的费用。



#29   zhongwei Posted13 May 2011 - 02:16 PM
hehe, yes, you are so chinese, you know 妻管严, but it should be 妻管严,the "严" is not so widely used. do you know exactly its meaning?

呵呵,是的,你很中国,你知道妻管严,但应该是妻管严,“严”不常用。你确切地知道它的意义吗?



#30   xianhua Posted 13 May 2011 - 03:48 PM

别处不这样?

The difference being that, in my experience, a book is kept of everyone who has paid and the amount, and as rezaf mentioned, it will be expected back in the future. The problem comes when you emigrate and then have to keep asking your in-laws to pay for various weddings of people they have never met. :P

我的经验,不同之处在于,每个人给多少钱都拿个本子记下来,rezaf提到了,将来得还这份人情。问题是一旦移民,公婆就得替你们给那些他们不认识的人随礼。 :P



#31   xiaocai Posted 13 May 2011 - 05:09 PM

呵呵,是的,你很中国,你知道妻管严,但应该是妻管严,“严”不常用。你确切地知道它的意义吗?

I think it is okay to use traditional Chinese here, no? And I guess he, as someone who's married a Shanghainese wife, knows what it means quite well.

我觉得这里用繁体似无不可,对吗?我猜啊,他既然娶了个上海老婆,应该非常明白这个词。。



#32   jbradfor Posted 13 May 2011 - 09:52 PM

小型婚礼

Has there ever been such a thing in the history of China? :P

Ask you husband what he has in mind. While it is true that the "classic" Chinese wedding is a huge banquet (huge both in number of guests and in the amount of food served -- 10+ dishes is typical), there are variations. For example, a common tradition is to serve tea to your new in-laws as they welcome you to the family. [Common outside the mainland (e.g. in Hong Kong, overseas), not sure how common it is now in the mainland.]

Personally, unless your husband's family is poor, I would insist on a traditional Chinese banquet. You'll get to go shopping for some fancy new dresses, you'll get to attend a great banquet that traditionally should be paid for by the groom's parents (not sure how it's done now), and you'll get a load of cash. What's not to love? ;)

中国有这个规矩? :P

问问你老公怎么想的。确实“经典”的中国式婚礼是一个巨大的宴会(巨大的客人数量的食品供应量——怎么也得10大碗),但也不尽然。例如,共同的传统是向公婆奉茶,算是迎你进门。 [大陆以外地区(如在香港,海外)是如此,不知道中国大陆这种做法有多流行。]

我强烈建议你们还是要办一场传统的婚宴,除非你丈夫的家庭是穷人。你可以去血拼,买好看的新衣服。盛大的宴会,传统上由新郎的父母(不知道现在的规矩)花钱,你会得到大笔的钱。有什么理由不办? ;)

“严”不常用

It's used quite widely outside the mainland. Keep in mind that this is an international group, and we know / discuss topics beyond the mainland.

在大陆以外使用相当广泛。请记住,这是一个国际社区,我们不只讨论有关大陆的主题。



#33   rezaf Posted 14 May 2011 - 01:21 AM

你确切地知道它的意义吗?

unfortunately yes

知道,让你失望了

中国有这个规矩?

Don't think so. At least not in the big cities. In Shanghai normally people spend at least 100000 RMB for the ceremony. In the worst case scenario they can use the hongbaos to cover some part of the costs.

至少大城市,没这一说。在上海,一般人的仪式至少花10万人民币。在最坏的情况下,得用红包填坑。
你会得到大笔的钱

Speaking of the Chinese customs (I know that it's too late) but you could also ask for a betrothal gift which in Shanghai is normally around 100000~200000 RMB. B) and you should use some of it for buying new furniture.

I think it's so good for a girl to get married in China, especially to a Shanghainese man, as nearly all the customs are against the broom's family and nowadays after marriage girls don't even need to do the housework anymore.

按说依中国的规矩(我知道这是为时已晚),你也可以主张聘礼,在上海通常是10万〜20万人民币左右。你可以用这些钱置办些家当。

我认为对女孩来说,在中国结婚最好了,尤其是嫁给上海人,几乎所有习俗都不利于夫家,如今女孩婚后甚至不需要做家务了。



#34   vecna Posted14 May 2011 - 11:20 AM
I'll chip in, based on some experience in studying Mandarin and being married to a speaker of it. Our sexes are reversed from your situation, but there are some insights worth passing along.

My in-laws were aghast that their daughter/sister was dating a foreigner. However, I bided my time, and after a few years and after she turned thirty still dating me, the resistance crumbled. For the non-favoring grandparents in your case, they face a fait accompli. They must accept this and get used to it. You can make it easier, with much of the advice elsewhere here already.

Thinking about picking up some Chinese between now and then.... Here's what I would do. In this excursion speaking with the in-laws is what matters. All the other stuff, like directions, immigration and custoims, and changing money, that's all stuff for your husband to worry about. For you, for these coming encounters, you need to make a list of points for communication. This includes two areas:

1. Vocabulary. For food, familial relationships, jobs, furniture, likes and dislikes. Also to describe your family and how you too met. Have your husband pick some pictures to bring, and practice discussing these.
2. Types of things to say: ways to show agreement, ways to praise clothes/hair/appearance/food/cooking/household good, ways to extend conversations (in English we say things like "what makes you say that?" or "so what you're saying is..."), ways to seek clarification ("so what you're saying is...", etc.), ways to keep people talking (always a good tack with in-laws), etc.

That sounds like a lot, but it will pay immense dividends when you visit. You will, after all, tend to cover the same subjects with everyone you talk to.

Looking back over this, I know it sounds like a very clinical, cerebral way to approach this, but it paid immense dividends in my experience. Winging it does not.

Something else comes to mind. Generally speaking, Chinese people like stability. Any anecdotes you share (or make up) about how you kept working at things through thick and thin (maybe in response to parental directives) to overcome adversity would also contribute to the impression you want.

Good luck and keep us posted!

话唠插一句,基于一些在学习普通话和已婚人士的经验。和你相反,我是男的,但有些建议还是有用的。

我的丈人全家都惊得目瞪口呆,他们的女儿/妹妹跟外国人搞对象。不过,我咬牙挺住,几年后她30了,对象还是我,抵抗土崩瓦解。你的情况,祖父母不待见,但他们得面对既成事实。他们恶心归恶心,吐啊吐的也就习惯了。你可以让这个过程轻松一点,大家都给了不少建议。

抽空学点汉语...我就是这么做的。学习怎么和婆家相处是大事。所有其他的东西,如大方向,移民,风俗,兑换货币,这是你老公该操心的。对于你来说,为未来的情境,需要做点准备。包括两个方面:

1。词汇。食物,家庭关系,就业,家具,喜欢和不喜欢的。介绍自己的家庭,怎么见面。让你的丈夫挑选一些照片,实践,讨论这些。
2。说话的方式:表示赞成的方式,称赞衣服/头发/外观/食品/烹饪/家庭好的方式,如何拓展谈话(英语中,我们这样说:“你是说..."),明确语义的方式(“所以你的意思是...",等),别打断别人(与公婆处好关系的好方法)等。

这听起来好像很多,但是管用。毕竟,跟谁说话都用得上。

回顾这回,我知道这听起来非常没劲和工于心计,但我的经验证明管用。

别的还有。。。一般来说,中国人喜欢稳定。说点(或编点)你的小轶事,忆苦思甜同甘共苦(按照父母的指引)克服困难什么的,也将有助于你塑造光辉形象。

祝好运,诸君努力!



#35   XuAshe Posted15 May 2011 - 02:46 AM
You guys are a great help so far!

His parents are completely fine with me, even though they haven't met me yet, haha.

His grandparents are the ones having trouble, but I should be okay. I am just hoping my Chinese is good enough that I don't have to cling to my husband the whole summer we're in China.

亲们,帮大忙了!

他的父母对我好的没治了,虽说以前没见过,哈哈。

祖父母那有点麻烦,但我应该没问题。我只是希望我的中文好一点,这样我们在中国的整个夏天,我就不用老师赖在他身边了。



#36   jbradfor Posted 16 May 2011 - 10:29 AM
rezaf, thoughts on how clingy Shanghai wives are? :P XuAshe, if you do cling, maybe you'll just be going native.

rezaf,上海老婆粘人吗? :P XuAshe,粘人可能才是入乡随俗。



#37   rezaf Posted 16 May 2011 - 11:00 PM
Shanghainese women are not clingy but they can use their evil 撒娇 techniques to make their men cling to them. It takes ages to learn these techniques and I don't think that western girls can learn them easily. Anyway xuashe just be yourself and don't try to change yourself too much. In my experience the reason behind many intercultural marriages is that we don't really like someone of our own culture and are looking for something new, which might be the reason that your husband has married you not a Shanghainese girl and At the end it's his decision about you which is important not what his grandparents think. The problem with them can be easily solved by giving them some gifts as formality.

上海女性不粘人,但她们会用邪恶的撒娇技巧,让爷们儿粘她们。这个手艺且得经年累月的苦练,西方女孩大概不大容易掌握精髓。话说回来,xuashe,保持本色,不要刻意改变自己。以我的经验,许多跨文化婚姻的背景原因是,我们不喜欢我们自己文化的人,图的就是新鲜,这可能是你老公已娶了你一个非上海女孩的原因。最终最重要的还是老公对你的看法,而不是他的祖父母的看法。祖父母的问题很好解决,礼节性的送些礼物就行。



#38   anonymoose Posted 16 May 2011 - 11:09 PM
Learning Mandarin is a good start, but be prepared that commication with the grandparents might be difficult if they only speak Shanghainese.

学习普通话是一个良好的开端,但如果祖父母只说上海土话,与他们交谈可能会有困难。



#39   xiaocai Posted 17 May 2011 - 11:21 AM

在压力下,我做饭,但我只能做中国菜。我带他们去了迪拜的伊朗、黎巴嫩、土耳其、西班牙、墨西哥、意大利...餐馆,他们一天到晚抱怨外国饭没法吃。

What a shame. Mediterranean food is one of my favourite, and is incredibly difficult to find at my home town. I guess it is more appealing to people who prefer strong flavours, but most of those from Shanghai, especially the older generations are not in this group.

真可惜。我喜欢地中海食物,在我的家乡很难找到,可能对喜欢重口味的人有吸引力。但大部分桑海拧,尤其是老一辈不在此列。



#40   rezaf Posted 17 May 2011 - 08:09 PM
My Father-in-law only likes very hot 山东菜 and 四川菜 because I think his father was originally from Shandong. It's not just the foreign food that he doesn't like, he doesn't like 上海菜 and 广东菜 either。When we are with him, he sometimes cooks for us because he can't bear what I cook. I also can't bear what he cooks because one drop of it is enough to give me a runny nose, but I have no choice but to finish it

Hopefully the OP won't have this problem as the original Shanghainese people usually don't cook very spicy food.

我岳父只爱超辣的山东菜和四川菜,可能因为他的父亲来自山东。不只是不喜欢外国食品,无论上海菜和广东菜他都不喜欢。我们与他在一起的时候,他有时也为我们的做菜,因为他无法忍受我的手艺。我也受不了他的厨艺,因为一小点就能让我内牛满面,但我别无选择,只能吃完

希望楼主不会有这个问题,上海人做饭通常不会非常辣。




#41   XuAshe Posted17 May 2011 - 11:20 PM

我们与他在一起的时候,他有时也为我们的做菜,因为他无法忍受我的手艺。我也受不了他的厨艺,因为一小点就能让我内牛满面,但我别无选择,只能吃完
希望楼主不会有这个问题,上海人做饭通常不会非常辣

haha XD

My husband told me before the reason he didn't stay in China and marry his first girlfriend was because he doesn't like Chinese girls, he claims American girls are more independent and have opinions.

I can't cook anything really except Western food so my husband does a lot of the cooking or we eat out. He isn't a big fan of Western foods and is very picky.

A girl I work with is marrying into a Chinese family very soon and is taking cooking lessons in Chinese food, should I maybe, do the same?

哈哈XD

老公告诉我,他没有留在中国和他的第一个女友结婚是因为他不喜欢中国女孩,他大赞美国女孩更独立,有主见。

除了西餐,我不会别的,所以主要是老公做饭,要不就下馆子。他不爱西餐,超挑食。

有个和我一起工作的女孩很快就要嫁入一个中国家庭,她在学做中餐,也许我也该去学学?



#42   rezaf Posted 18 May 2011 - 06:55 AM
No and you shouldn't do the housework either.

别,别做家务。

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